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Kola_boof
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 4793
Registered: 02-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, May 30, 2008 - 06:01 pm: | 
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2003
Several years ago when Rebecca Walker
wrote her autobiography "Black White and Jewish,"
I wrote a huge glowing review for her book on this website, because I identified with her journey and was really in awe of her. The fact that my idol, Alice Walker, hadn't (allegedly) been much of a mother to her made me especially caring and sympathetic to her experiences.
At that time, I didn't dislike Alice for failing Rebecca...as both a daughter and mother myself, I have come to realize that children aren't born with "instruction manuals" and that no matter how good a parent you are--there is NO WAY to not fukck up in some way raising a child....but I definitely sympathized with Rebecca and really thought she was a gifted writer and a special human being.
NOW, in 2008, after Rebecca's string of "brand new" articles in British newspapers where she completely denigrates, villifies and even lies on her mother---I find that I don't like Rebecca at all.
I was fine when I thought Rebecca was merely telling her own story, her own experiences--straight/no chaser---in "Black White and Jewish", but now that it's apparent that she's declared war on Alice Walker and is out to destroy her mother, her mother's legacy and Alice's work as a "black woman artist"---I really don't appreciate it.
Rebecca's last name is not Walker.
She changed it to "Walker" upon seeking her first book contract so that she could capitalize off her mother's fame and the "easy publicity" she would get being the daughter of America's foremost black woman novelist.
BUT...if I had a daughter and she wanted to
use my fame to get a start in life, I would
not have a problem with that, so I never held
that against Rebecca or cared about it.
I supported her, because she's brilliant and
sensitive.
What I really despise now, however, is the "lie" Rebecca promotes regarding Alice Walker's view on motherhood as extolled in the many books by Alice Walker---books that I have read over and over again all my life.
I am a mother of two sons, a woman who raised herself on Alice's various philosophies, and I never got the message from Alice's books that she was AGAINST women having children and being mothers.
What I got was that considering the "era" in which Alice was writing---she wanted women to have a CHOICE between "homemaker" and "career woman" or to shoot for BOTH.
Alice was against the social order that said
females had to married any man who would have
them, work like a dog for that man and be unloved and have children---just to make babies.
Never did I feel in Alice's work that she pitied and devalued the beauty of women bringing life into the world. In fact, there is a mountain of OPPOSITE messages that I receive from Alice's work.
Because of Alice's writing, I saw it as a supreme blessing to have these wonderful little boys come out of my body. I felt like a true lioness when they were born. I felt stronger and more obligated to my own horizons--on behalf of my wonderful sons.
I now purchase Alice's children's books, which are quite wise, loving and empowering for my
sons.
I don't suppose Rebecca expects that anyone will actually READ the many books of Alice Walker, so she's doing what society in general does to any FEMALE who dares question and challenge the power structure in the society---she's Stereotyping and demonizing Alice.
"Look at me, I'm a good woman healed by a man's dick and my mother Alice is a mean old bitter black ••••• who couldn't cut it as a real woman."
_____________
Then there's Rebecca's loving comments about growing up with Alice as a mother in an article that Rebecca wrote for "ESSENCE" and the same sunny mother/daughter comments in her PRE-"BWJ" books.
Amazingly, in the early leg of her career, she shared PHOTOS from her childhood---
a loving, doting Alice Walker holding her on the porch in Mississippi, Alice dressing her up and Alice taking her to school---
(PHOTO) she and Alice grinning with Alice's then man Robert Allen---
(PHOTO) she and Alice laughing at a book event
(PHOTO) Rebecca Walker on the set of "The Color Purple" where her mother had gotten her a "Summer Job" as a technician for the film. Alice and Rebecca hugged up like a mother/daughter team on the set.
(PHOTO) she and Alice grinning at an Art Gallery.
(PHOTO) the famous pic of Alice sitting in Rebecca's lap.
(PHOTO) Alice and Rebecca on vacation together in South Africa, the two of them posing with Nelson Mandela.
(PHOTO) Alice at an event at Rebecca's high school. Hugged up smiling.
(PHOTO) Alice visiting Rebecca on the campus of YALE.
Amazingly, all these photos STOPPED being released by Rebecca's camp once she came out with her autobiography. The whole story changed
to one about Alice being a mother who "was never there at all."
Now don't get me wrong....
I'm in no way implying that Alice Walker was a good mother to Rebecca.
In fact, I believe Rebecca when she says that Alice was self-absorbed, consumed by her work
and neglected her emotionally--withholding stimulus.
(Of course, I don't agree with other posters
on this thread who feel Alice's comments about
being a mother in "IN SEARCH OF OUR MOTHER'S GARDENS" indicate that Alice was "burdened" by her daughter----I have read that book at least
50 times, and I got the feeling that Alice wrote
honestly about her feelings, but at the same, conveyed an enormous amount of "Gratefulness" to Baby Rebecca for giving her another perspective and someone else to "be alive through." It was clear to me that she loved her daughter--but was also an Activist, a critical thinker and a Writer BEFORE Rebecca was born and would continue to be regardless of this "wonderful distraction".
I don't see men being hated for the same honesty
or being denied their own identity separate from their child's.)
But what gets me about Rebecca's very public war on her mother--is that she's not going to stop until WE ALL hate and condemn her mother for not being the parent she wanted.
What also really pisses me off---as someone who has been adopted---is Rebecca's claim that human females aren't willing to "die" for a child that isn't their biological child and that they simply don't love their adopted children to the degree that they can love a child from their own body.
Intellectually, I can understand what Rebecca meant about not loving her own stepson as deeply as she does the one from her body---but that is not EVERYBODY, that is Rebecca.
My Black American parents, plus my "Nana Glodine"...are/were willing to die for me...and I wasn't even a "baby" when they got me.
I was already a big kid, a screwed up kid, a child requiring psychiatric help. I became the YOUNGEST child in Washington, D.C. history to have a "heart attack" when I had one at the age of eight--because I couldn't speak English yet and thought my new adoptive parents were taking me to be sent away--I had a heart attack. (another child has since broken my record).
My biological Egyptian grandmother, Najet Kolbookek, gave me up for adoption for being
"too black"---but my Black American grandmother
from North Carolina, Nana Glodine, loved me more than anything on this earth and taught me that I was the most beautiful child imaginable!
I feel so loved by my adoptive parents that I
can't even imagine them not being my parents.
I see them--as my real parents.
Regretting a Biracial Child
Of course, as an African person (a proud, black-identified one)...what always fascinates me the most are the passages by both Alice and Rebecca concerning what it's like to produce the symbol of "the movement child" (Alice and her Jewish husband, the first to break Mississippi law by getting married, had biracial Rebecca as a symbol of the civil rights movement).
Alice has written about black women feeling "obliterated" by their biracial children's looks.
Rebecca constantly insinuates through her writing about her mother seeming
to hold it against her--that she isn't
black enough.
I'm sure it's not that cut and dry, but
I'm also sure that because Rebecca didn't
inherit her mother's TYPE of beauty and travels
between several alternate worlds--relating to and identifying with iconic structures many of which degraded and DISALLOWED women like Alice
in the past---this has become a major underlying thread, just as Rebecca alleges it has.
On that account---my heart truly goes out
to Rebecca, because what "separation" on earth
could possibly be more painful and debilitating
than to look nothing like one's own parent?
And when will the human race acknowledge that
there are natural "Psychological" responses that
humans have either Parent to Child or Child to Parent when this occurrs?
I am in no way saying that every person feels
this "fissure" between themself and a biracial
offspring---but I am saying that it's completely
normal and "likely" that depending on the child's
proximity of same-likeness to the parent (and notice that Rebecca doesn't look anything like EITHER of her parents)--then there can be a very real although unintended rejection of one's child based just on that.
I also know cases where a biracial child comes out looking very much like the parent and they enjoy the unspoken ease of "sameness" because of it.
Still...we've all read the article by the White British woman who wrote how she loves her "black daughter" but finds herself so disappointed and "rebuffed" by the child's "ever-darkening" brown complexion.
The white British lady had assumed the child would be "white looking" and have at least ONE of her features!
Not only was Rebecca rejected, but now her
newborn child--who is even less black than
Rebecca.
On this...my heart goes out to Rebecca, because she's beautiful and didn't ask to come here.
But what I don't like...is Rebecca's continuing
war against her own mother in public.
It has gone BEYOND Rebecca simply relating her
story to the world (she did that in BWJ).
It is now a full blown hatchet job on not just Alice Walker's "mothering skills", but on the entire entity that is Alice.
She wants to take Alice from ALL of us--but use
Alice's name and fame to build her own castle at the same time.
She seems to forget that because of Alice Walker, there are some of us who did not become prostitutes.
That because of Alice Walker, there are some of us who did not become drug addicts. That because of Alice Walker, there are some of us who LOVE our black African looks and do not believe in war.
That because of Alice Walker, there are some of
us who stopped beating our wives and others who
stopped beating our children.
As an artist, I think there was definitely room for Rebecca to make her own claim to fame, and I think many of us cared for her and empathized with her experience under a neglectful mother.
But by destroying and killing off her mother, by taking Alice's mountain of good work away from us so that all we're left with is puny, whining, "watered down" Rebecca--it's going to backfire.
I honestly think Rebecca belives she's a good person, but the fact is, she's not.
I already don't like her anymore.
Give me Alice any day.
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Carey
Veteran Poster
Username: Carey
Post Number: 683
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, May 30, 2008 - 07:49 pm: |
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KOLA_BOOF KOLA_BOOF
There has been much said about the true identity of Kola_Boof and if it is truely she that posts on this board so ....ahhh....Kola, I think I'll take a walk down memory lane....if you don't mind. This will serve two purposes. First, I really like to know if it is truely the queen of......well....all the things you do so well. Second, I'd like to share a few laughs with those that might not know that we've share a few laughs and you painted me as a nasty-pig-face-ass-kissing-ogre *LOL*, in your infamous soap that made it's grand entrance here at Thumper's Corner.
I harbor no ill feeling, in fact I thought it was quite hallarious. I never got a chance to tell you that because I "fell" during that period. Anyway, HELLO, how have you been.
Okay....the second reason or question ....you did something for my wife and I.....do you remember what that was? It's clear that you are a busy person and a small detail such as that could possibly fall in the cracks.
I'd like to comment on your post yet before I do I'd like to know if this is truely thee Kola...my friend from long ago? I have some of our old e-mails, along with other artists that I've talked to over the years, ZANE included. I treasure friendship and I look forward to having a few exchanges with you. Thumper used to hold an author chat night and it was a great source of....books (inside joke) and understanding. I am curious why you never was a guest?
Carey
Carey |
Kola_boof
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 4794
Registered: 02-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, May 30, 2008 - 08:37 pm: |
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Hi Carey,
Of course it's me.
I WAS a guest when Thumper did a CHAT-ROOM book discussion with author Tracy Price Thompson. That's how she and I became friends.
I was also a guest when Thumper featured ZANE and that's how I first got to speak with her.
It's very sad that Thumper could never accept me, because I reached out to him several times, I really wanted us to get along and still do.
I've stated many times IN WRITING away from this board as well as on this board..that I loved him as a book critic and was drawn to his entertaining personality.
Unfortunately, Thumper has a different style and attracted an older more middle-class/middle-aged group to the board (you, in fact, were part of that group).
When I came to the board and became popular, I attracted a whole new group of younger, more bohemian people who were louder, more vocal and more active as posters. Troy Johnson saw that my presence was turning the board into a part of the "popular culture" and he gave me my own board called THE KOOL ROOM.
Naturally, Thumper felt threatened by my popularity and he waged vicious attacks.
But I ain't the one.
And it became all out war.
Unfortunately, you took up for Thumper--even when he was clearly wrong--because your loyalty, understandably, was to the person you knew and had been accustomed to.
I don't blame you for that, but I also wasn't taking your shit or anybody else's just because you were loyal to your friend--a friend who was attacking me.
I regret that debacle, because I always liked Thumper and wanted him to like me. You saw emails yourself that I sent to Thumper expressing my respect and admiration for him and asking him if we could bury the hatchet and be friends.
He just refused.
And as time went on and people like LAMB and ABM took up for me, and I became more popular, Thumper decided to move on.
I wish he would come back, because I think he's irreplaceable and a very talented "down home" book critic, and I really liked Thumper. I was a fan just like everybody else and there were many times that I tried to make that clear--to no avail.
Last night, meeting Troy Johnson in person was really fantastic. Troy told me that he doesn't have anything against me and that I'm always welcomed here.
With that, I returned.
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Kola_boof
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 4795
Registered: 02-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, May 30, 2008 - 08:40 pm: |
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...continued
Carey:
Okay....the second reason or question ....you did something for my wife and I.....do you remember what that was?
Kola:
Hi Carey. I vaguely remember doing something
at you and your wife's request, and I THINK it had to do with your daughter, but I don't remember the details.
I do remember that you were incredibly kind
and sweet to me, and that you showed you photos
of your handsome self and your beautiful wife.
I was sad when your wife passed. She had so much class and motherwit.
. |
Carey
Veteran Poster
Username: Carey
Post Number: 687
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, May 30, 2008 - 10:51 pm: |
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Hi Kola,
Okay, if you are not thee Kola you are doing a damn good job of "being" her *LOL*. Yes, you autographed your book to her.....my daughter....and I ssent it along with other Christmas gifts. You also did the same for my wife. I laugh because you know that one book displayed all of your......ahhh.....ahhh, well...titties....all over the cover  . My daughter was like, "what the world is "my daddy" sending me?!!!
Now you know I am NOT entertaining that "you and Thumper" thang. Nope......a thousand times NO...I'd rather die than say yes.....DONE.
In reference to Rebecca and her mother, it's obvious you have more information than "we". It's also clear you've had love for the both of them and now some of that love has diminished. Your reasoning is clear, if what you say is true, it's really a shame.....and that shame and progressively quilt, might and should be shared by both.
Thank you for your kind words.
Carey
Carey |
Carey
Veteran Poster
Username: Carey
Post Number: 688
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, May 30, 2008 - 11:38 pm: |
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Continued.....
Back in the day I was wrestling with a decision to continue/open a "business". Although the business was morally wrong I was young and I was being influence by my surroundings and greed. Consequently I was approached by an old "player" and he said, **Pimpish tone and mannerisms** "Boy, you got a little game, "people" "like you" and "If you are going to play, play to win or stop meddling in the game". Although this individual was not a pillar of society he nevertheless had great respect in the neighborhood and his words still resonates within me. Kola, I thought of this because if I remember correctly you seemed to personify that theory. You swung a long and sharp sword....you could go low *smile*. I say that to show my caution about discussing "yesterday" especially during Thumps time of need. I know you can respect that. Many may not know much of Kola but I feel a sense of caring from you, you've shown that over the years, albeit you've displayed other characteristics , I know you understand. So I will get back at you .....and....talk.
What ever happened to the one fellow that you was up in here crying about? Ralph...George....Harold...what was his name?
Later
Carey
Carey |
Kola_boof
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 4796
Registered: 02-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, May 31, 2008 - 12:03 am: |
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Do you mean my children's father? SIMON who I originally called "Thomas" to keep his privacy?
(now that the NY POST revealed his real name,
it's like 'what the hay')
He's doing great. We're still very close friends and still raise our children together, although we're not together. |
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