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Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 9363
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, May 27, 2007 - 09:13 am: | 
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My teenage daughter told me that one of her bestfriends told her that she had been raped by some boy. She only mentioned it to my daughter because she saw the boy at a movie theater where when he saw her openly joked with other boys about having "...hit that!!!"
The girl won't really provide any details about what happened, except that she and the boy never dated and that the rape occurred when he lived just 4 houses away from her home.
And the girl's mother, who appears to be a loving/committed yet overwrought & overworked single mom, apparently does NOT know about the rape.
What should I do here?
I feel and know I shouldn't just ignore and avoid what I've been told. But I'm unsure about the manner and degree to which I should intervene.
Should I ask the girl about what happened? Should I tell her mother what my kid told me? Should I make a (perhaps anonymous) call to police, social services, rape counseling organization, etc.? |
Enchanted
Veteran Poster
Username: Enchanted
Post Number: 850
Registered: 11-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, May 27, 2007 - 10:03 am: |
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You should tell the mother and let her take i frome ther. pronto |
Renata
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Renata
Post Number: 2223
Registered: 08-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, May 27, 2007 - 10:04 am: |
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*sigh* I really feel for the girl. I wouldn't tell anyone at this point. I was beaten as a teen by a boyfriend, so I know a little bit of what she may be feeling like.
First of all, the first thing she may feel is ashamed of the whole thing. It's very possible that if you or her mother ask her about it, she's just going to deny the whole thing happened at all. That's what I did. I went home with two black eyes, bite marks on me, a busted lip and bruised from head to toe and when someone asked I said I had gotten into a fight with "some girls".
I would suggest (since she trusts your daughter so much) advising your daughter on how to advise her. First of all, if he's ever to say that again, she should unashamedly say loudly, "I didn't have sex with you, you RAPED me." He's counting on her to be ashamed and quiet (as she was) as he boasts his story around. She would have to be strong to do that. This would at least show him that he can't further victimize her by telling everyone, and will also show that he no longer has control over her being fearful of it. Be sure that your daughter supports her and is there with her and for her (and other friends if possible).
It's possible that any evidence is already gone. I would also suggest she join a rape crisis program and explain why she didn't tell the police or anyone and that she speaks from her heart about it. This will give her some credibility among people who may wonder why she didn't go to the police if she was raped, and more importantly, she will feel better about getting those feelings out to people who believe her.
Your daughter is in a very strange position herself. Let her know that she is very special and very loving and her friend apparently sees that in her. I'm crying as I'm writing about your daughter because I can feel the love and understanding she must have in her. It takes a particularly great and loving person to be trusted like that, and she shouldn't at all take it lightly that this girl told her this. She told your daughter because she trusted her above others. Of all the people in her life that she knows loves her and would be willing to help her (and possibly be better ABLE to do something), she trusted that your daughter would support her emotionally. That is something truly special to have others notice. Keep in mind that your daughter may need your support during this time, as she's only a child herself and quite naive. She can't fix this herself, she can't fight against the guy herself, she can't report this to the police herself. She can only support her friend as she does it for herself to empower herself. She will need your support because she may get emotional over this and wish she could hurt the guy herself, and you're going to have to guide her through this so that she can be strong enough to support her friend.
I'm speaking from the experience and controlled emotions of a 32 year old, so I can't say what her response to any of this would be. I can say that how she heals from this and whether she reports this or decides to go to a rape crisis center will take great courage from her and she has to know that someone will be there for her if she gets afraid or if she just needs someone to talk to.
The police and her parents should be notified, but SHE is going to have to be the one to tell them. Remember if she is still ashamed about it, she may just lie and say it didn't happen at all. Along with that, she's going to lose trust in your daughter for telling anyone. I do think your daughter did the right thing by telling you, but her friend may not see it that way. Maybe your daughter could guide and support her while she seeks help.
I will be sending prayers and blessings to your daughter and her friend and I hope this works out in whatever is the best way she can find closure and healing. |
Enchanted
Veteran Poster
Username: Enchanted
Post Number: 851
Registered: 11-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, May 27, 2007 - 10:04 am: |
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do not call social service if she is black girl. ditto the police. |
Enchanted
Veteran Poster
Username: Enchanted
Post Number: 852
Registered: 11-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, May 27, 2007 - 10:08 am: |
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Im disagree with Renata, tell the mother immediately. |
Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 9365
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, May 27, 2007 - 10:24 am: |
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Renata,
Thanks for sharing what happened to you. I hope you got the help you needed to get past it. And I hope your ex was rightly PUNISHED for what he did.
I think it's good the girl shared what happened with my daughter. But I don't want my daughter to be at the center of any resolution here. She doesn't have the training or (Thank GOD) experience to know and do what must be done.
And I don't want my kid to be anywhere NEAR any sort of confrontation of the boy.
Enchanted: "...do not call social service if she is black girl. ditto the police."
I am probably going to tell the mother. But what if the mother does nothing about what happened? |
Enchanted
Veteran Poster
Username: Enchanted
Post Number: 853
Registered: 11-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, May 27, 2007 - 10:39 am: |
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then that on the mother ofr life. |
Enchanted
Veteran Poster
Username: Enchanted
Post Number: 854
Registered: 11-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, May 27, 2007 - 10:41 am: |
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if you tell chicago police then you may become a suspect. you have no idea the way thigns get twisted (b) if you don't DO SOMETHING your daughter will be disappint in you, thats why she came to you, so tell the mother. |
Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 9366
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, May 27, 2007 - 10:43 am: |
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Enchanted,
I nor the young girl live in Chicago. And I don't know whether I think the matter should end with the mother, especially if it's clear she will NOT do what's best for her daughter. |
Renata
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Renata
Post Number: 2224
Registered: 08-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, May 27, 2007 - 10:55 am: |
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ABM, maybe you can tell the girl to tell her mother. If she hasn't told her mother already herself, she's feeling too ashamed to tell her, and it's very likely that she's going to just lie about it and nothing will be done.
I can certainly see why you would feel that way about your daughter. I don't think she can do anything to resolve the matter at all. The fact is that she was trusted enough to be told of this, and that shows that her friend sees her as SUPPORT. She can only support her friend as her friend resolves this for herself. She may be the only support this girl feels that she has, and I wouldn't want her to lose that.
However, if you don't wish your daughter to be the support, I can certainly see why you would do what you feel is right to protect her, and I'm not at all saying you shouldn't do that. Look at it from all angles and follow what your intuition tells you is best for all involved.
I can't say whether or not my ex was punished because I never saw him again. I just shut the entire thing out. But I received a very "awakening" dream from who I think may be my spirit guide that pointed to him getting punishment. I've gotten over the ordeal a LONG time ago. |
Mony
Regular Poster
Username: Mony
Post Number: 72
Registered: 02-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, May 27, 2007 - 11:51 am: |
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What a conundrum! Perhaps you can phone a Rape Crisis Centre anonymously and ask for advice in dealing with this situation. Or, maybe you could refer the girl to one via your daughter? That is of course if the girl isn't aware that your daughter told you about this. |
Urban_scribe
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Urban_scribe
Post Number: 429
Registered: 05-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, May 27, 2007 - 01:00 pm: |
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This is a sad story if it's true, but how do you know the girl is telling the truth?
I'm skeptical because I just went through something similar with one of my nephews.
My nephew is 17, he had consensual sex with a 15 yo girl. Thing is, my nephew just wanted to "hit that" the girl WANTED A BOYFRIEND. So when she saw that my nephew just wanted to "get some" and wasn't interested in a relationship, you guessed it - she hollered rape.
They arrested my nephew at school in front of all his classmates - the whole school. Keep in mind here, I'm talking about a 17 yo boy who's never been in trouble, never given his parents (my brother is his father) no problems, respectful, good student, part-time job - an all-around good kid.
His bail was set at $75k. My nephew maintained that it was consensual from day one. We went back and forth to court, it didn't look good cuz the 15yo girl also stuck to her story, and BOY could she turn on the waterworks! It was the 15 yo girl's sister who helped us. Bless her heart. She told my nephew's lawyer that the girl has had a crush on my nephew since jhs, and when she finally slept with him she came home all gushing and telling her sister all about how good it was, and kept going on and on about how much she loved my nephew and they were going to be together forever.
So, after all was said and done, the 15yo confessed that she lied. She was pissed because my nephew wasn't feeling her the way she was into him. Rape charges were dropped against my nephew, but he was charged with statuatory rape because the girl is underage. However, considering all the hell the girl put him through, they sentenced him as a juvenile (the rape charges were as an adult). They gave my nephew 6 months probation for having sex with an underage girl. Because they charged him as a juvenile, his record will be sealed.
Meanwhile, what happened to the girl...not a damn thing! The judge gave the girl a little tongue-lashing, made her apologize in court to my nephew and our family for all she put us through, then ordered her parents to get her in counseling to deal with her "issues".
Now, maybe I shouldn't say this, but considering what my family just went through with my nephew - I've become EXTREMELY skeptical whenever I hear a girl/woman claim she'd been raped. Hell hath no fury... |
Enchanted
Veteran Poster
Username: Enchanted
Post Number: 855
Registered: 11-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, May 27, 2007 - 01:50 pm: |
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Abm you must tell the mother but don't forget how much can the mother really do about it after ths long? unless the girl tape record a confession from the boy ther is no proof so the mother hands will be tied but she should be told and I think Renata giving bad advice from too much emotion. The chld need to learn that this is not the kind of secret to keep and rape is wrong. she oviously doesn't know that. |
Latina_wi
Regular Poster
Username: Latina_wi
Post Number: 371
Registered: 08-2006
Rating: 
Votes: 1 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, May 27, 2007 - 02:46 pm: |
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Urban_scribe; what happened to your nephew is traumatising but just as it will teach the 15 year old involved that being scornful will land you in a whole heap or trouble and even see you deemed as untrustworthy, it will also teach your nephew a good lesson about being careful where he sticks his penis.
The girl involved should of been nephew, what she did was wrong and casts doubt over genuine victioms of rape. I live in a country where only 8% of rape allegations leads to conviction (and the man will probably only get six years). We have this problem because of young women like that 15 year old. Urban)_scribe's doubts are proof of that.
ABM, I strongly believe that you should approach this girl's mother. Tell your daughter first as you want to be clear with her that you trust what she is saying and reassure her that she can approach with any problems. Reiterate to her how proud you are that she told you.
Whether this allegation is true or not it could clear things up. If it is true then this boy will (hopefully) be sent to prison and learn a f'cking harsh lesson about a woman's right. If it isn't then this girl will learn a different type of lesson from her mother, she can instill in her the dangers in making false or misleading allegations.
I am sure the mum will have a long talk with her daughter where she gets the full story. If the daughter was not fully aware what a rape is and got it wrong the mum could point out the facts (which are important for future reference).
obviously, it isn't easy and I think you should let the mother know she needs to have a long dicussion with her daughter before she goes to the police so she isn't going in all guns blazing - she needs to be aware as it affects lives.
Also, ABM - I am not saying any of this lightly, I have had friends affected by this. So I cannot stress how important it is you GO TO THE MOTHER. If this is true I am worried for the girl. |
Renata
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Renata
Post Number: 2226
Registered: 08-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, May 27, 2007 - 03:51 pm: |
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Urban Scribe, I doubt this girl would lie about it for such a silly reason just to keep it to herself. The girl in your nephew's case wanted revenge and told people about it. It seems silly to lie and keep it quiet. Doesn't make sense at all. |
Renata
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Renata
Post Number: 2227
Registered: 08-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, May 27, 2007 - 03:55 pm: |
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Urban Scribe, it's stories like yours that make victims not want to say anything. I can certainly understand why you feel the way you do, I really do, but I didn't tell anyone because I was so afraid that no one would believe me. |
Enchanted
Veteran Poster
Username: Enchanted
Post Number: 856
Registered: 11-2005
Rating:
Votes: 2 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, May 27, 2007 - 04:33 pm: |
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I dont belive Urban is tellng the truth I believe the chargs were dropped and her nephew got off but I dont believ the girl confessed that she was lying because the boy wasn't feeling her lol Urbans put her own lies in there. |
Urban_scribe
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Urban_scribe
Post Number: 430
Registered: 05-2006
Rating: 
Votes: 2 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, May 27, 2007 - 05:27 pm: |
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Enchanted, I know you want to get a reaction out of me. Sorry, boo, my life is really going super duper great, and it's not my fault if you're miserable. So, I won't give you the satisfaction of the reaction you're looking for.
I do want to remind the forum; however, that you love throwing around accusations WITHOUT a single shred of evidence to back them up.
Aren't you the same person who accused me of being Cynique/Cynique of being me (same difference) a while back - out of the blue - and with NOTHING to back up your accusation? Yes, you are.
IIRC, accusing people of creating sock puppets without proof is grounds for being PERMANENTLY BANNED from this forum. But, really, I couldn't care less if you're banned or not. I'm seldom on the forum these days, so I'm far removed from the madness and nonsense that's known to take place here.
Just wanted to point out that you're in the habit of accusing others of mistruths and lying without backing anything up... Sounds like someone else I know...
Ciao!
ABM, I wish your daughter's friend the best. But if you're going to involve yourself, you'd better make DAMN CERTAIN you know EXACTLY what you're getting yourself mixed-up with. Because the fact of the matter is twofold: (1) everyday a woman is raped and (2) everyday a woman lies about being raped. This, according to the judge in my nephew's case, is the reason it's so hard to make a rape case. I wouldn't want to be in your shoes on this one. Good luck to you! |
Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 4830
Registered: 01-2006
Rating:
Votes: 4 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, May 27, 2007 - 07:34 pm: |
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Unless the girl told you about it directly, or you are a witness or have some other inside information or evidence, my advice would be to mind your own business. Anything you say to anyone will be considered as hearsay and won't be taken seriously anyway. Further, if the rape occurred several months or years ago, there is likely no forensic evidence to substantiate the accusation. On top of all of that, the friend told your daughter in confidence, which was broken when she told you. If the girl wanted you to know about it, she would have told you herself. It's all a bunch of he said she said. Leave it alone.
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Yukio
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Yukio
Post Number: 2376
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, May 27, 2007 - 08:40 pm: |
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this is serious. I don't know what to say to this one. On the one hand, I try not to believe that women lie about these things. And know, that women have it harder than men just because there is the basis assumption among men and women, ironically, that women are always responsible for what happens to them...worse, this is a about a child.
I don't like Mzuri's advice, but it is makes sense. Nor do I like Urban-scribe's comments, that is about you intervening, but that too makes sense.
All I can say, which I know is not helpful, is that it is a shame that we can't do for one another without bringing harm upon ourselves.
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Tonya
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Tonya
Post Number: 5603
Registered: 07-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, May 28, 2007 - 12:32 am: |
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ABM, DO NOT tell her mother or the police. That could shame her and make things a million times worse. You (and perhaps your wife) should just talk to her, don't let her know that you've been told, just talk, start having her over for dinner, ect. She might not want to report it to her mother or police...ever. But the fact that she told your daughter could mean that she's ready to deal with it, which is extremely hard to do. It’s good she took what's probably the first step by telling your daughter, but don’t FORCE her to go any further. Be there for her and if it’s time she’ll open up....But even if she’s not ready, your support will still be beneficial, it will provide a foundation for her. It could take years (possibly more) for her to gather the strength that’s needed to deal with this but having a foundation is crucial. Good Luck.
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Tonya
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Tonya
Post Number: 5611
Registered: 07-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, May 28, 2007 - 04:28 am: |
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...And kudos to you, ABM, for caring so much...hugs and kisses and much love.
 |
Enchanted
Veteran Poster
Username: Enchanted
Post Number: 857
Registered: 11-2005
Rating: 
Votes: 1 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, May 28, 2007 - 04:38 am: |
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Abm is not a female dont be afool and bring strange child into your home who has accused someone of rape thats #1 Abm because in worse case scenaria kids who emotionally distressed have been known to accuse all men in their path or this could be construed that you molester trying to cover your ass with the boy, bottom line you dont knwo this child from adam. Gotell her mother what has happned and let the parent take it from there, good or bad. If you get a bad vibe from the mother then dont tell her, but if she seem a loving decent parent then you must tell her. Parnts deserve that respect. |
Sese
Newbie Poster
Username: Sese
Post Number: 42
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, May 28, 2007 - 06:34 am: |
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1) Why did your daughter share this confidence with you her father, rather than her mother? This question raises a lot of questions.
2)After discussion with the following, then accompanied by your wife and/or a pastor,priest or lawyer discuss with the parent/s the confidence that their daughter, shared with your daughter who in turn shared it with you. It is important to state how you became involved. |
Enchanted
Veteran Poster
Username: Enchanted
Post Number: 858
Registered: 11-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, May 28, 2007 - 08:02 am: |
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in a normal home fathers are protectors and children are more likely to run to the person they feel is strongest and most poweful when it comes to something bad they witness in the streets so it makes sinse the girl went to her father because she has one and fathers are more likely to bring action on behalf of girls without all the emotional bs of women. |
Jackie
Veteran Poster
Username: Jackie
Post Number: 572
Registered: 04-2005
Rating:
Votes: 5 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, May 28, 2007 - 05:17 pm: |
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This is not about SHOPLIFITING or a girl staying out too late and she doesn't want her mother to know it is about RAPE ! HELLLO ??? What has happened to us ? If she's lying don't ya'll think she would've reported it to an adult ( teacher, police, pastor etc) than just her friend(ABM's daughter) This young teenage girl needs intervention and dammit her mother needs to know. ABM maybe you can ask your wife to talk to your daughter's friend, and then maybe you and your daughter can go over to your daughter friend's house and just bring up the situation and then let the daughter and mother discuss it among themselves. Maybe your wife can call your daughter's friend's mother or something ?? The reason why she didn't tell ABM is because he's a man, and perhaps she didn't feel comfortable. If indeed she was raped, then she may be mad( about her mother finding out) now but somewhere down the line she will be thankful that it was revealed and she received the necessary psychological counseling and help. Otherwise she's gonna to carry this baggage with her and it will manifest itself in other situations in a negative way. |
Jackie
Veteran Poster
Username: Jackie
Post Number: 573
Registered: 04-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, May 28, 2007 - 05:24 pm: |
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And ABM this is YOU and YOUR wife's issue. |
Renata
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Renata
Post Number: 2229
Registered: 08-2005
Rating:
Votes: 1 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, May 28, 2007 - 09:25 pm: |
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ABM, Considering all of the differing opinions, it may be best to tell your daughter to ask her friend to please contact (even if anonymously) a rape crisis center and they may be better able to advise her than any of us untrained people here.
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Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 4831
Registered: 01-2006
Rating:
Votes: 3 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, May 28, 2007 - 11:16 pm: |
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Some of y'all need to give the histrionics a rest. We don't know what happened. Where it happened, when it happened, what the circumstances were, or shit else. Don't nobody know if it was rape before the sex began, during or after, or if there was a rape or sex at all. Was there a gun, a knife, a threat, or just a dick. If the girl told her friend in confidence, then it's just that. Surely she has a telephone. Surely she's capable of dialing 911, 411 or anybody else. In the meanwhile, some people need to quit jumping to conclusions about some shit that they don't know nothing about. Bunch of fukcing busy bodies. And you know who you are.
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Jackie
Veteran Poster
Username: Jackie
Post Number: 574
Registered: 04-2005
Rating:
Votes: 5 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, May 28, 2007 - 11:31 pm: |
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LOL @ Mzuri. Fact remains, her mother needs to know and it shouldn't be ignored. Hopefully, the mother or some other family member that the daughter trusts and will intervene and take over from there. The sad part about this is nobody wants to get involved anymore...for whatever reasons...it speaks volumes on where we are today as a people. |
Tonya
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Tonya
Post Number: 5616
Registered: 07-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, May 29, 2007 - 05:24 am: |
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Yeah, our opinions are much too perilously diverse for this to be the most constructive course of action, so I echo your advice, Renata; a rape crisis center is clearly the better path, ABM.
"The sad part about this is nobody wants to get involved anymore...for whatever reasons...it speaks volumes on where we are today as a people."
So true.
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Enchanted
Veteran Poster
Username: Enchanted
Post Number: 859
Registered: 11-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, May 29, 2007 - 07:50 am: |
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I thought Jackie been working at rape crisis teen canceling centr for the last decade how many times has she said so? They always tell you to inform the mother/parnts of the child. |
Brownbeauty123
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Brownbeauty123
Post Number: 2007
Registered: 03-2006
Rating:
Votes: 1 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, May 29, 2007 - 08:48 am: |
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I wouldn't get involved. The girl could be lying about it. I know in high school, many girls used to lie about being raped/molested just to get attention from their peers. |
A_womon
Veteran Poster
Username: A_womon
Post Number: 1568
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, May 29, 2007 - 09:25 am: |
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ABM,
I feel that maybe your wife and daughter should talk to the girl first. Maybe your daughter could explain to her friend that rape is no joking matter and your wife could explain that it could have long term far reaching effects. Not only that, but if this boy truly did rape her and he thinks it's funny, who is to say he isn't repeating this behavior with other girls? At the same time, the girl should be made aware of the consequences of lying about something this serious. But by no means should you just let it go.
I would definitely let my wife talk to the girl first, not her mother, but at he same time let her know her mother or some other adult the girl trusts must be told as soon as possible. |
Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 4832
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: 
Votes: 5 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, May 29, 2007 - 09:29 am: |
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Right Jackie, Tonya and the rest of the sky-is-falling-chicken-littles. Go to your local police department or rape crisis center and tell them the following:
"My teenage daughter told me that one of her bestfriends told her that she had been raped by some boy. She only mentioned it to my daughter because she saw the boy at a movie theater where when he saw her openly joked with other boys about having "...hit that!!!"
The girl won't really provide any details about what happened, except that she and the boy never dated and that the rape occurred when he lived just 4 houses away from her home.
And the girl's mother, who appears to be a loving/committed yet overwrought & overworked single mom, apparently does NOT know about the rape."
And see don't your foolish asses get looked at like the dingalings that you are.
Let's not forget Tonya's total mental breakdown over the Duke rape case victim. Whatever happened with all of that?
Yeah. The sky is falling.
Clownie ass dimwits.
And one last thought. Who the fukc is stupid enough to post about such a delicate problem as this on a public forum?
What's that old proverb? With friends like you who needs enemies.
Thank you.
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Renata
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Renata
Post Number: 2231
Registered: 08-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, May 29, 2007 - 10:01 am: |
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You have a point a_woman. The guy who beat me also beat at least 4 other women in my neighborhood after me. It was rumored that one of his children was the product of rape (the mother left the child with her mother when it was born and left town). I had left town for a few months after it happened to me (lived with relatives). For a long time I had wondered if I had said something if it wouldn't have happened to other people.
The guy who did it to me also made fun of me. I had to cut my hair because I had patches of it pulled out. I had teeth marks where he had bitten me on my arms, face, breasts, and stomach. I still have a scar over my eye and on my chin. He had tried to slam my face into the floor but I put my hand under my face and that probably saved me from a broken nose. All of that and he told his friends that he did it because he was "sick of seeing me in the streets like a whore" or some dumb shyt. Who wants to go to the police or a parent with that type of shame?
But, again, I wouldn't force telling anyone. She's ashamed it happened at all and is just going to say nothing happened. If anyone else is to know, she's going to have to say it. This is her struggle, not her mother's. Having her mother confront her with it is only going to drive her deeper into denial, and I'm speaking from experience. A trained professional may get her to open up more. |
A_womon
Veteran Poster
Username: A_womon
Post Number: 1569
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, May 29, 2007 - 10:16 am: |
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I'm so sorry that you had to go through that Renata! It's good that you can talk about it so openly. I just feel so sorry for ABM's daughter's friend, too. It's never good for a young girl to keep something like this to herself. The really sad thing is, a lot of young girls don't even realize that a rape took place until later on. And they keep quiet because of that. Sometimes, it could be out of fear for their lives. Who knows the reasons girls don't tell right away. They could even believe that some loud mouth wouldn't believe them.
It doesn't matter what stage the act is in--if the girl is butt naked on the floor and tells the boy no,she changed her mind and the boy proceeds to force himself upon her THAT'S STILL RAPE!
I agree with you Renata, it is a VERY delicate situation and all parties involved should proceed with EXTREME caution.
I applaud you for sharing your story on this board too, Renata! Even though it's anonymous, it still took a lot of courage to do this. Thank you for that... |
Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 4833
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: 
Votes: 7 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, May 29, 2007 - 10:26 am: |
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AWoman - Do you tell a man to stop fukcing you in the middle of a sexual encounter. And if he doesn't stop the moment you tell him to, is that considered rape?
And are you referring to if he's choking and beating you during sex, or just if his dick is too big and he's hittin your kidneys too hard.
What if I'm about to have a multiple spontaneous simultaneous orgasm and shout "oh noooooooooo" does that mean he should stop?
Just curious.
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Tonya
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Tonya
Post Number: 5617
Registered: 07-2006
Rating: 
Votes: 11 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, May 29, 2007 - 12:44 pm: |
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Look here Mzuri, you don’t know me b*tch...watch your fucking mouth. We are NOT cool, never have been---so don’t talk to me like it’s dandy for anything to fall out of your ignorant ass bitchy mouth; that’s first. Secondly, do I give a fuk that you disagree with a damn thing that I’ve said?? You best think not. Cuz Drop dead is the type of advice I'd give you if the opportunity presented itself. Had the situation involved you, yabba, it would've been laced with clear suggestions on how to self-destruct and blow the fuk up. ...Like I said, we are not cool - the opposite we are in fact. And so though I'd prefer you take any advice I'd give down to the letter, it would definitely be in your best interest not to, as I‘d have you jumping off the highest bridge heavily sedated, with steel rods shooting from every orifice of your frame including your nasty ass.
I'd advise you alright...
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Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 4835
Registered: 01-2006
Rating:
Votes: 3 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, May 29, 2007 - 01:28 pm: |
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What Ever La TonyaNiggerBitch. Who in the fukc said anything about us being cool. Obviously we are NOT - what else is new! Now, did your dimwitted ass have anything relevant to add to this conversation besides dispensing nitwitted advice, crying wolf, jumping to clusterfukced conclusions and running around like a fukctarded chicken with its head cut off - like you normally do when a bytch cries wolf rape?
And just so you know wench, your monkey ass won't have me doin shit! Not a got damn thang. So fukc you up your stank nasty crusty dried up ass. Cry baby heffa!
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Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 8711
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: 
Votes: 4 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, May 29, 2007 - 01:29 pm: |
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Didn't we just have a discussion about horny 14-year-old-girls and 5-minute sexual encounters up against a wall??? The scenario of this whole episode is hampered by the blur of the time lapse. The first sexual encounter for any young teenage is tantamount to "rape". Some girls are traumatized, others are more resiliant and are able to move on. I wonder if this girl's attitude was dismissive when she reported this encounter to ABM's daughter. Was she simply turned off by what happened, just disgusted? Or was she, in fact, apprehensive and wounded. Maybe an anonymous letter from "A Concerned Parent" could be sent to the girl's mother, giving details. I think it's a matter that should be handled by the mother of the victim. |
Jackie
Veteran Poster
Username: Jackie
Post Number: 575
Registered: 04-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, May 29, 2007 - 01:41 pm: |
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Oh my, my, look @ the lioness roarrrrrrrr....lol. You go girl.
Cynique...you make some good points. The issue should not be taken lightly whether this teenage girl is lying, confused, etc or not. That's the bottom line. |
Jackie
Veteran Poster
Username: Jackie
Post Number: 576
Registered: 04-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, May 29, 2007 - 01:56 pm: |
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I never suggested that the police be involved. I think that the mother should be informed about what's going on with her daughter. The daughter was probably doing something she wasn't doing in the first the place and perhaps the situation got out of hand. And the teenage boy may repeat the behavior or maybe he just didn't know what he was doing. Who knows ? So anyway, I hope something gets done about the matter. |
Tonya
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Tonya
Post Number: 5619
Registered: 07-2006
Rating:
Votes: 8 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, May 29, 2007 - 03:53 pm: |
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Muzuri,
"Who in the fukc said anything about us being cool. . . .did your dimwitted ass have anything relevant to add to this conversation besides..."
So if you know we ain't cool, what gave you the impression that you should expect A FUCKING THING from me? Why look for ME to "add" ANYTHING for YOUR fucking pleasure? Come on b*tch.
Did you lose it, do we speak EVER??
Or can you be fucked up enough to expect ANY sort of back-n-forth from ME.
There ain't enough booze in the WORLD for you to be THAT on, I don't think; so I am at a complete and utter lost as to what your problem might be. I was NOT the one to give you the impression we speak, I know that. You're not my kind...not any how, not any which-a-way...so you didn't get that shit from ME.
I suggest you sober up if that is in fact your problem right now, cuz I’ma tell you, you‘ve lost touch with reality if you think we speak. We don't like each other, we have not one ounce of respect for one another, and we don‘t agree on SHIT…....and I EXPECT, here's what I expect, I expect it to stay that way.
...Keep it real, b*tch, is what I'm trying to say. |
Enchanted
Veteran Poster
Username: Enchanted
Post Number: 860
Registered: 11-2005
Rating:
Votes: 10 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, May 29, 2007 - 04:28 pm: |
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This bard would be intelligent and classy if Mzuri was not on it compare her posts to everyone else she coms on here to start fights and very vulgar repulsed woman. |
Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 4836
Registered: 01-2006
Rating:
Votes: 4 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, May 29, 2007 - 04:39 pm: |
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LaTonyaTwat aka BLACKPARISHILTON,
You're so stupid you can't even tell the difference between someone talking to you and someone talking about you. Here's a clue pop tart, it was the latter.
If we don't speak ghetto hood rat, then why don't you stop addressing me. Like I give a fukc. This is you - coming up in here posting about your dickbrained silly ass is leaving the forum but you're still here. With the constant trolling for dick, like your anti-social behind can't get a man in the real world. You're so weak your flames are boring, so take your wannabe hoebag shit on somewhere and leave me the fukc alone.
Chickenheaded crackbaby.
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Tonya
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Tonya
Post Number: 5622
Registered: 07-2006
Rating:
Votes: 5 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, May 29, 2007 - 05:25 pm: |
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...It's like this here, Nanna. I'll come the FUKKKK on THIS board...
and say whatever the FUK comes my way, WHENEVER the FUK I might...
...and the ONLY conclusion you ought to make is one lick to the crack of my ass is sufficient for each point you don't like that I said. |
Yukio
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Yukio
Post Number: 2384
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, May 29, 2007 - 05:54 pm: |
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So elder ABM, what are you going to do? |
Carey
Veteran Poster
Username: Carey
Post Number: 522
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: 
Votes: 6 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, May 29, 2007 - 06:18 pm: |
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WoooooooW!
Lick the what.......Damn, it done got nasty up in here.
A_Women, what has happened to your spot? LOL
I see why Thump Don't be hangin'
I get the sneakin' feelin' that there's some trouble makers that is laughin' their ass off every time one of you respond to the silly mess. It is however kind of funny..........every once in a while.
A_Women, I heard you mention something about a deadline, what you working on?
To the above above drama about the rape, I think A_Women naailed it. Right or wrong, truth or lie, the parents must be told. Think about it, wouldn't you want to know and besides, why is it a secret when it's aparently not. ABM got to get out of the way. |
Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 8713
Registered: 01-2004
Rating:
Votes: 4 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, May 29, 2007 - 07:35 pm: |
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Enchanted writes: "This bard would be intelligent and classy if Mzuri was not on it compare her posts to everyone else she coms on here to start fights and very vulgar repulsed woman."
Cynique responds. "Well, I can see you're doing your part to make this board "intelligent and classy." I wish you'd wave your magic wand so your semi-literate style would revert to being coherent the way it used to be. |
A_womon
Veteran Poster
Username: A_womon
Post Number: 1570
Registered: 05-2004
Rating:
Votes: 3 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, May 29, 2007 - 08:58 pm: |
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Hey Carey!
As you can see certain haters still trolling this board like the trolls they are! Anyway if you want to know what I'm up to hit me up on my email briawriter-thumperscorner@yahoo.com and I'll catch you up on everything!
Smooches!!! |
Chrishayden
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Chrishayden
Post Number: 4530
Registered: 03-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, May 30, 2007 - 11:34 am: |
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Damn, I been off a while so I didn't see this.
What did you do, ABM?
For myself I would not contact the girl in anyway. If this happened she is probably overwrought and emotional and embarassed and you could screw everything up.
If I was you I would get back with my daughter and find out all she knows about this. If you have any other questions I'd have my daughter go back to the girl and get some more answers.
When your daughter comes back and answers all questions (when it happened, how, whether force was used, whether or not it might happen again, etc) then you should tell your daughter to tell her she ought to tell her mother.
Then I'd talk to your wife and have her talk to your daughter and maybe tell the girl you guys are available to help if you need it.
I would be extremely reluctant at this point to get involved with it more than that.
You see, it could all work out like it does on tv with him getting jailed and everything working out fine. Or it could, for one reason or the other blow up in everybody's face or the case fall through and then everybody is blaming you for making a big thing out of something.
One thing she may need to seek medical attention--too. |
Yvettep
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Yvettep
Post Number: 2072
Registered: 01-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, May 30, 2007 - 11:45 am: |
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I don't know if ABM is even still monitoring this thread. As a fellow parent, here is my take. If this happened to me, my thoughts would center around the fact of how close to home this hit for my own child. In other words, I may ask for help about what to do for the girl, but underlying that would be a sense of great fear and concern for the safety of my own daughter.
Something like this happened to someone my daughter's age--someone she knew...
Whatever you decide to do about the girl (and I am not saying you are unconcerned about her) the main thing you need to do is explore your feelings about and actions regarding this type of violence and your children. Does your daughter know how to spot a boy who is trouble? Does she feel she could successfully extricate herself from an unsafe situation? Does she know she can call you and your wife, as well as other safe adults at any time if she is out in a bad situation? Etc.
Good luck! |
Libralind2
Veteran Poster
Username: Libralind2
Post Number: 839
Registered: 09-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, May 31, 2007 - 07:53 pm: |
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What Yvettep said
LiLi who has been raped..and didnt tell |
Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 9369
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, June 02, 2007 - 07:15 am: |
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Got some more detail from my daughter about her friend’s rape:
@ She and the boy were dating.
@ The rape occurred while they were alone in a bedroom of a home owned by his aunt.
@ Her mother DOES know what happened. And the mother’s response to what happened is "I told you to stop running your 'fast tail' after that boy!"
@ The girl has allegedly received some rape counseling. I say allegedly because I think in Illinois counselors (doctors, teacher, social workers, etc.) are required to report rape yet apparently the boy have never been arrested or charged.
In addition to the above, the girl has a boyfriend with whom she is sexually active.
And my daughter and her friend are not-quite-so-friendly lately.
I had relatives and friends over for a Memorial Day cookout. My daughter invited the girl and a boy to our shindig. (My daughter, the boy and her friend all take an art class together.)
The girl unabashedly snuggled, cuddled and flirted with the boy (who, apparently, were quite bemuse by her behavior) while my female kin looked daggers at her.
So, all tolled, I think I’m going to sit this one out. |
Brownbeauty123
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Brownbeauty123
Post Number: 2011
Registered: 03-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, June 02, 2007 - 09:27 pm: |
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I don't think she was really raped. She is lying. He probably persuaded her to do something with him that she later regretted.
How old is this girl? |
Jackie
Veteran Poster
Username: Jackie
Post Number: 577
Registered: 04-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, June 03, 2007 - 03:02 am: |
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Well your work is done as far as the mother being informed of what happened. Obviously the mother could use some counseling herself from that response ! Dayam...lol. ...oh well. |
Renata
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Renata
Post Number: 2239
Registered: 08-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, June 03, 2007 - 09:26 am: |
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So the mother's answer was basically, "if something did happen, you ASKED for it." I would seriously understand if this child NEVER informed her mother of anything as her mother already thinks so lowly of her.
I'm still not so sure whether something happened or not. Studies have shown that children who were raped/molested are more likely to become sexually active at a younger age. They seem to think sex is expected of them to remain in someone's graces. |
Tonya
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Tonya
Post Number: 5664
Registered: 07-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, June 03, 2007 - 10:29 am: |
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Sad all the way around...I feel sorrier for this young girl tho. Reporting her mother to DHS might be too harsh, but without question she’s an abusive parent, what are the alternatives? (Sounds like she's been raped/abused herself.)
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Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 9372
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, June 03, 2007 - 10:29 am: |
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BB123,
It is possible she was raped. But there's so much confusion going on around her that would be VERY difficult to prove.
Jackie,
Yeah. I'm done.
Renata,
My daughter claims that maybe part of the trouble with the girl is that she's emulating her moms. Apparently part of the reason why her mom is so 'busy' is that she's getting serviced by some new boyfriend.
I agree her being sexually active does not prove or disprove she'd been raped. But, as I've described, there's too much going on with her. So unless it seems blantantly clear she's in immediate danger, I'm going to leave this one be. |
Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 9373
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, June 03, 2007 - 10:32 am: |
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Tonya,
Well. She's welcome in our home and lives. Just the other night she went out with us for dinner and movie.
But, for now, that's about as far as I'll go. |
Tonya
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Tonya
Post Number: 5666
Registered: 07-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, June 03, 2007 - 10:39 am: |
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That's good you've welcomed her, Abm. I wonder do we have an alternative to DHS in our communities.
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Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 9374
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, June 03, 2007 - 10:50 am: |
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Tonya,
We used to have one. It was called PARENTS, KINFOKS, NEIGHBORS and CHURCHES. |
Tonya
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Tonya
Post Number: 5668
Registered: 07-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, June 03, 2007 - 11:03 am: |
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Oh yeah, those people, I forgot...lol 
Well, you've done all YOU could, that's refreshing.
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Renata
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Renata
Post Number: 2240
Registered: 08-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, June 03, 2007 - 11:24 am: |
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Sadly, nowadays, it's often the family who keeps it quiet. There was a case in MS maybe two years ago or so (if that long) where a child under one was raped so viciously that it killed her. The mother was arrested because she helped her boyfriend (who committed the crime) escape. The grandparents knew also, but they told no one. I don't know what happened to them. |
Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 9375
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, June 03, 2007 - 11:53 am: |
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Renata,
That's why I said "used to have one." |
Tonya
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Tonya
Post Number: 5669
Registered: 07-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, June 03, 2007 - 12:04 pm: |
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Renata, I used to work at an institution where I had to read in very meticulous detail about stories like that. I started having nightmares and then panic and anxiety attacks. It quickly got to the point where I had to quit and never look back. My hat's been going off to the folks in that field ever since then.
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Renata
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Renata
Post Number: 2243
Registered: 08-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, June 03, 2007 - 12:18 pm: |
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I don't think I could have done that job, Tonya. I'm too vengeful, especially in regards to things done to children. There's no telling what I would have done to the perpetrators if they hadn't gone to jail. |
Tonya
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Tonya
Post Number: 5670
Registered: 07-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, June 03, 2007 - 01:20 pm: |
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Yeah. I felt I was turning away from something noble and important but I just could not take it. Learning that such people and circumstances exist is what fucked me up the most. It was rough.
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Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 4851
Registered: 01-2006
Rating:
Votes: 1 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, June 03, 2007 - 01:30 pm: |
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Good. Now all the chicken littles can stop worrying their nappy little heads. |
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