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Robynmarie
Regular Poster
Username: Robynmarie
Post Number: 437
Registered: 04-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, May 05, 2007 - 09:40 am: | 
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Burying our Kids
I received a call yesterday from my man friend telling me his son had died. Without asking, I knew the "junior" had been a victim of deadly violence. As it turned out, this twenty-eight year old African American father of three and businessman was shot in head on the streets of Inglewood. I had not spoken to the elder in a few months. And if he had not called, I never would have known the tragedy because the local news rarely reports when our men are gunned down. It happens too frequently to be considered "news".
The funeral is later today. The old saying that "parents are not suppose to bury their kids" keeps running through my head. We mothers and fathers do all we can for our children, but we are not supposed to see them dead. The natural order is for children to bury parents. But lately, particularly in African American communities, parents and grandparents are planning death rituals and choosing burial plots for their sons and daughters who are murdered on a daily basis. Forget about the dope man. It's the undertaker in black neighborhoods doing the most business.
Worry about hip hop music if you want to. The real problems lie not in the beat or the rhymes but in the hate and fear that festers in the hearts of people who look like us. We lash out, we retaliate, we kill. What are we going to do about it?
A son is murdered, a mother and father buries and mourns. Life goes on.
Ralph, jr. RIP.
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Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 8528
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: 
Votes: 2 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, May 05, 2007 - 02:00 pm: |
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You are sooo right, Robymarie. My 22 year-old grandson who was where he shouldn't have been, on the notorioius west side of Chicago, at the wrong place at the wrong time, was shot and killed by an unknown assailant while he was chauffering a friend whose driver's license had been suspended. We later learned, somebody had a beef with his friend over some minor ghetto BS. His friend escaped with just injuries. Talk about it being hard to look down in the casket at the child I had held minutes after his birth, the first thing I noticed having been the hazel eyes that were now closed. So many kids are being killed in my area that a ritual has evolved wherein all their friends go to the place where the shooting occurred and place flowers and sign a poster board, and leave mementos. The funeral was overflowing with kids all wearing T-shirts with pictures and tributes to my grandson "screened" on them. At the burial a lot of his buddies threw the T-shirts down in the grave along all the roses being throw in by others. This was a ritual my grandson had participated in himself. 2 years later 2 more of my grandson's buddies were murdered. These killing are all gang-related because these kids are all on the fringes of the gang culture that pervades the Chicagoland area. Yes, my grandson was a playa. He was so handsome and charming that girls just flocked around him so it came as no surprise that one of them was claiming he was her baby's daddy. When she come to visit with this little toddler who ran up to me with a big smile on his face, there was need for a DNA test to prove anything. My eyes told me all I needed to know... It was like my grandson had a girfriend for every mood, and a year after his death, another of his girlfriends who was his alter ego when it came to exuberence and daring just went to sleep one night and never woke up. She was found dead in her bed at 22 years old. Another one left a tape on his grave and when we played it, it was poignant little rap song dedicated to him. Once when we went to visit his grave which is just 15 minutes a way. There was an empty bottle of Hennessy placed by his head stone.
RIP, Kyle. Nana loves and misses you. |
Sisg
Regular Poster
Username: Sisg
Post Number: 280
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, May 05, 2007 - 03:16 pm: |
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To both of you, i agree, and i am sickened by it all. Cynique what a wonderful tribute to your grandson...you are a talented writer, because i felt and visualized all that you wrote. Thanks for sharing. |
Sisg
Regular Poster
Username: Sisg
Post Number: 281
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, May 05, 2007 - 03:17 pm: |
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By the way...i am fearful everyday for my young son, 13 years old...each time he leaves to go out and play basketball...i want to tell him no, so much is going on, kids are being killed daily. I'm scared for all our black boys. |
Robynmarie
Regular Poster
Username: Robynmarie
Post Number: 438
Registered: 04-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, May 06, 2007 - 12:13 am: |
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Cynique what a lovely testamony to the power of love and destructive nature of fear. What you describe is identical to what is occuring in Los Angeles.
After the funeral today I asked one young man if they knew who killed Ralph, jr. He said they did. I asked if the police knew. He didn't answer. I said "I hope there will be justice for Ralph, jr." By the look on his face I knew I said the wrong thing. I meant justice as in someone being held accountable by the authorities. Not street justice. No more bloodshed. We do not need more brokenhearted families. Venegance will not bring their loved ones back. |
Latina_wi
Regular Poster
Username: Latina_wi
Post Number: 345
Registered: 08-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, May 06, 2007 - 09:59 am: |
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The murder of young black boys is happening at a growing rate in the UK also. Maybe not on the same scale as the USA but still at an alarming pace. Five young boys were shot dead in a period of less than two months around the same area of London.
One was a young church going Nigerian boy, a very promising life that was possibly 'mocked' for not being street enough. Many of them were just innocents, maybe not as angelic as the church goer but not gangsters. Others were tragically involved in the gang scene and killed for their involvement.
It shows that a bullet doesn't care if your good and kind and academic, or if your from a middle class or working class background.
I was moving to new student accomodation and a young Jamaican guy saw me struggling with some of my boxes. He helped me and we got chatting. He said that he was really shocked as to how the boys act in the UK and how desperate they are to look like hoodlums when they have such great opportunities. He was even more worried about how gun crime out here is so similar to gun crime in Jamaica.
Jamaican yardies are very ruthless with their 'arsenal' because of the ghettos they live in and how desperate they are to escape from that life. It also has a lot to do with politics. He said that it seems that in the UK that they have the same attitude, 'killed or be killed', and do not think or care about the consequences of having a gun.
My aunt in Jamaica was very close to burying her son. The guy who shot him was looking for a green eyed light skinned boy and my cousin, who fit that description, happened to be walking by when he crossed the gun man. He was in a coma for several weeks but luckily he survived. In Jamaica the gun men had their own way of dealing with justice for my cousin after they shot him, they apologised for their mistake and whenever they saw him after that they would tell people 'to leave him as he's a good boy' (my cousin is the softest boy, almost camp lol). It doesn't sound much like justice but it is a lot more safer than calling the police.
My mum was desperate for him to come and live in England as my aunt doesn't have the best track record. I know I won't understand the pain of losing a grandson, or a nephew, or a son - maybe I never will. But when I saw how my mum reacted to the news of her nephew being shot I almost felt it.
I might not have many years on me but because I have black brothers and nephews I worry about black men and boys all the time. I think it is up to us to steer them in the right direction but sometimes this problems seems a lot bigger than 'we' are. |
Robynmarie
Regular Poster
Username: Robynmarie
Post Number: 440
Registered: 04-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, May 06, 2007 - 12:44 pm: |
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Is there no place safe for young black boys? The amazing thing is at the services yesterday, there was no righteous indignation, no cries for retribution. While there was certainly tears and sadness for the family. Many of the young (twenty-something) guests acted like it was business as usual. A kid even had a tee shirt with the dead man's picture, birth date and death date.
One young women remarked,"There are more young people dying than old ones."
Too sad.
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Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 4693
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, May 06, 2007 - 12:45 pm: |
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Cynique's post is a tear-jerker - breaks my heart 
And I swear to God that I posted about all these killings not even being newsworthy anymore 
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Robynmarie
Regular Poster
Username: Robynmarie
Post Number: 441
Registered: 04-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, May 06, 2007 - 12:52 pm: |
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The minister explained these killings by using the story of Cain and Abel. Cain said, "he is not my brother" in order to kill his own sibling.
Even if people believe Cain and Abel is a fable, the point that you have to dehumanize and disconnect in order to murder, makes sense. |
Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 4694
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, May 06, 2007 - 12:54 pm: |
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Robyn - Sadly it IS business as usual. We've all grown accustomed and acclimatized to all of the death and violence. It doesn't even faze us anymore. Remember when you heard about the first beheading of an American in Iraq - how shocked you were. And now it's just another "oh well" event. Twenty-five of our soldiers get blown up and it's just another day. That's how it is with all the gang violence, drive-bys and all the other crime that we all have to live with. No place is safe for anyone anymore. 
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Robynmarie
Regular Poster
Username: Robynmarie
Post Number: 442
Registered: 04-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, May 06, 2007 - 12:56 pm: |
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Mzuri-
You are so right. Random violence can happen to anyone at anytime. It's the folks that go out looking for trouble that make me SMH. |
Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 8529
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, May 06, 2007 - 01:49 pm: |
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Thanks, Ladies, for empathizing and sympathizing with me.  |
Moonsigns
Veteran Poster
Username: Moonsigns
Post Number: 1911
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, May 06, 2007 - 02:23 pm: |
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Cynique,
Your grandsons senseless murder is just heartwrenching. I pray peace for you and all those who endure such pain.
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Moonsigns
Veteran Poster
Username: Moonsigns
Post Number: 1912
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, May 06, 2007 - 02:38 pm: |
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Latina:
"Jamaican yardies are very ruthless....."
Moonsigns:
Very true. One of our dear family friends, who is Jamaican born but now resides in an inner city located in the northeast of the U.S., recently went "home" to visit. He is a very street smart, muscular built cat who rarely fears other men/people. However, he told us that during his trip "home", things down there have gotten much worse, especially since the last time he was there -- which was only a few years back. He told us he was very cautious not to "stir" anything up with the locals because they are extremely quick to "cut up" or "shoot up". He said it's even worse than the US (inner) city he lives in -- and where he lives now is rather rough.
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Troy
Veteran Poster
Username: Troy
Post Number: 634
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, May 06, 2007 - 03:56 pm: |
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Robynmarie, Cynique my prayers go with both you, your family, friends and the rest of us.
Both stories were moving. I wish the potential murderers out their could read these stories...
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Serenasailor
Veteran Poster
Username: Serenasailor
Post Number: 1554
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, May 06, 2007 - 09:43 pm: |
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I'm sorry to hear about your friends son Robynmarie. |
Robynmarie
Regular Poster
Username: Robynmarie
Post Number: 443
Registered: 04-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, May 06, 2007 - 10:02 pm: |
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Thanks Troy and Serenasailor.
These killings should be bloody wakeup calls but we keep passing out bandaids and hitting the snooze button. |
Latina_wi
Regular Poster
Username: Latina_wi
Post Number: 347
Registered: 08-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, May 07, 2007 - 09:34 am: |
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Moonsigns:
Very true. One of our dear family friends, who is Jamaican born but now resides in an inner city located in the northeast of the U.S., recently went "home" to visit. He is a very street smart, muscular built cat who rarely fears other men/people. However, he told us that during his trip "home", things down there have gotten much worse, especially since the last time he was there -- which was only a few years back. He told us he was very cautious not to "stir" anything up with the locals because they are extremely quick to "cut up" or "shoot up". He said it's even worse than the US (inner) city he lives in -- and where he lives now is rather rough.
Latina_WI:
What your friend experienced is what so many have gone through when they go 'back home'. It is even harder to comprehend for the older, more tradtional Jamaicans because they were brought up in a lot more old-fashioned, nuclear, type way.
The hardest thing is trying to get people to recognise the difference between a Jamaican and a Yardie. My mother despairs that the British government allows and stands for these people, they give so many good and hard-working Jamaicans a bad name.
The saddest thing is it not only the poor who suffer but also the wealthy and middle class come into the firing line. My mother's family were well off but her nephew suffered. He was not into gun business and went to a very good, boarding school.
Like I said a bullet doesn't care and these yardies are ruthless with them. I am not surprised your friend felt he had to watch himself because certain Jamaicans 'don't ramp' (that is a jamaican saying meaning they don't f'ck around).
Don't get me wrong, there are affluent and brilliant places in Jamaica, but when you have people so willing and able to kill it overshadows the good.
Robynmarie your experience at the funeral is sad as well as frustrating, both you and cynique's experiences move to tears. Not only because they are so heart wrenching but because they are happening to so many black families all the time. |
Chrishayden
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Chrishayden
Post Number: 4332
Registered: 03-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, May 07, 2007 - 11:40 am: |
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Thanks Troy and Serenasailor.
These killings should be bloody wakeup calls but we keep passing out bandaids and hitting the snooze but
Up until about a hundred years ago it was quite normal for a parent to bury one, two, three four children. Abraham Lincoln, the president of the U.S. How many did he bury? A couple.
I am nearly sixty. I have seen many parents bury children, children who were stabbed to death, run over, killed etc.
I cannot deny that the rates have gone up--which are due to many things but mostly the availabilty of guns.
In my day there was lots of violence--but it was fists, knives, chains, bats, and the fatallities were low. When all these guns started hitting the streets in the 70's is when it picked up.
Even when folks had guns in the 60's and before it was 22's, shotguns, maybe some 38's. Not assault weapons, Glocks, 9mms etc.
This is what has helped push it up. And it ain't gonna change.
This is our world. Just recently we had a convetnion in St. Louis. 60,000 white folks in the NRA who want to keep plenty of guns out so this can keep happening. They are opposing a bill that would keep people from selling guns to people suspected of being TERRORISTS.
What can we do? Bury the dead. Try to keep you and yours from being one of them.
Being prepared--I heard gunfire last night--after a period of slackoff Ihear it almost every night.
Just wait till these veterans start coming home...
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Ntfs_encryption
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Ntfs_encryption
Post Number: 2212
Registered: 10-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, May 07, 2007 - 02:19 pm: |
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That was a very sad and tragic story Robynmarie. Same for yours Ms. Cynique. I have more to say about these horrible tragedies in our communities. But I'll leave at that. I'm out of time.
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