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AALBC.com's Thumper's Corner Discussion Board » Culture, Race & Economy - Archive 2003 » Burn Those Chastity Belts! « Previous Next »

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ABM

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Posted on Thursday, July 24, 2003 - 12:44 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Ladies,

I too agree that women will likely not be as liberated as men are until they can engage in frivolous sex with the abandon and recklessness of males. I read that even credible factions within the feminist community now back pornography and striptease as forms of female empowerment/liberation, asserting that those are among the few professions where women are the only real stars, they, not men, are one's who are more in positions of power/control and earn decidedly more money than do males. (And, interestingly, 50% of Playboy's management staff, including it's CEO [Heff's daughter], is female) Still, though I question whether most girlies have the "gonads" to lay it down as quick-n-dirty as many men do.

There is a book that was written by a French female author (& I think she's even a noted publisher or editor) who deliciously recounts a sex-life that appears to be every bit as libidinous as that of even the most rapacious satyr.

I have not actually read the book. But I found much of the reviews and reaction to the French woman sex book to be surprising. There seem to be much less castigation of what she did than there was that she was so bold, detailed and audacious in her tales. I guess when a woman cops to knocking boots in almost every conceivable way with every conceivable type of person, calling her bí, hoe, slut, prostitute, cít, freak, etc., the adjectives most other women deftly fear being labeled as, just doesnít really carry much weight.

I seem to recall critics mostly decrying how she was "bragging" about and "exaggerating" the numbers/details about bedding 100's, maybe 1,000's of men (& women I think) of the course of 3 decades. She even recounted engaging in sex with several men under bleachers while the fans of a packed soccer match cheered her and her cohorts on.

This French chick apparently would make Zane seems like a frigid church usher.

I don't recall the author's name or the title of the book. But I think that it was quite a hot-selling book less than 2 years ago. So I'm sure a web search would easily reveal the book's author/title. Perhaps some of you ladies might vicariously enjoy spying the author's lascivious travels.


Ladies, these days, is there REALLY any legitimate impediment (save disease) to you from flinging open full and wide the doorway to pleasure?
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Chris Hayden

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Posted on Thursday, July 24, 2003 - 01:22 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

ABM:

I saw that book. Can't think of the title. I think she starts off having sex with a number of partners on a table in a restaurant (apparently a favorite place for her) and just walks around having sex.

She was French. An editor or writer I think.
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Kola

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Posted on Thursday, July 24, 2003 - 01:26 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

But PLAYBOY is still owned by a sour faced misogynist white male pig.

As for impediments....I've spoken openly about my physical limitations.

And, then, too...I mentioned the fact that I felt that much of my "early heat" for men...was the result of being molested (along with my sister) at 12. I became my promiscuous--while my sister became introverted and non-sexual.

I truly suspect that this French woman you mentioned was also "molested" in youth. I really believe that. Because that's where sexual psychosis and sexual addictions in "females" most usually spring from.

Males, too, are molested on an even wider basis than females...but because we cheer boys having sex (no matter how early--and no matter if older boys just want to laugh at watching a 13 year old hump a grown woman in an alley for kicks)...we fail to identify the molestation of males.

Sex can be art, I've learned later in life. But I did enjoy that time in my life when it was recreational and "part of my power". I would, however, NEVER...sleep with 100 to 1,000 partners. That's just plain gluttony. And it stops being art and adventure once you make it THAT easy. There has to be tension..or there's no chance of orgasm.

It's more fun teasing men...and I teased more men than I bedded. When I did bed a man, it was usually because he was handsome, had a good body or could open doors for me. I rejected fat men, effemininate straight men, white boys, men with long hair, old men.

One of the things I truly got addicted to...was having two men at the same time. That, for about a year and a half, was my GOAL. One of my greatest achievements, in fact, was the fun I had with a father and son (both were African soccer players!). But then I grew out of that, too, by around twenty-six.

Of course, AIDS can kill. That's nothing to play with.

And LOVING A MAN...to answer your question...has become my greatest impediment to being monogomous.

I love my husband so deeply that he's the only man I want to sleep with. I can't even imagine another man touching me. I am addicted to my man's sex and it's beyond sex. It's really like being with God to me. It's spiritual what I feel now. Mere sex isn't enough to compete with "making love".

I like myself better now that I'm with a kindred spirit. I feel "free" now.






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Cynique

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Posted on Thursday, July 24, 2003 - 02:36 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

I think as liberated as a woman is, she still only wants to screw any man that APPEALS to her. I suspect men are a little less discriminating.
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ABM

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Posted on Thursday, July 24, 2003 - 03:08 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Cynique,
Bingo! Lady, you dun' wun the prize.

The sexual difference between women and men really involves just in a slight variance in pronouns:
Women are more concerned with WHOM they screw.
Men are more concerned with THAT they screw.


HAHAHA!!!
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Yukio

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Posted on Thursday, July 24, 2003 - 05:27 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Hmmmm,

I don't know about that, ABM! Can you really speak for all men?
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Cyberscribe

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Posted on Thursday, July 24, 2003 - 11:26 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

No she can't speak for every man but history proves her point with enough evidence to make her point valid.
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ABM

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Posted on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 05:44 am:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Thanks for the support, Cyberscribe. Oh, by-the-way, the "she" is actually a "he". (Well, at least that's what my scrotum says.)
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yukio

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Posted on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 10:22 am:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

ABM...."Well, at least....says.)

Thats funny!

Cyberscribe:
What history is that? Can i find that at Barnes and Nobles? lol! True, for the most part....but there are many men who are concerned with whom they screw, fortunately....and perhaps, or at least one would hope, that men and women are more responsible to themselves and others, so that folks don't consciously hurt other folk.....there is a way to enjoy sex for the pleasure of sex and not hurt folk!
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Chris Hayden

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Posted on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 11:52 am:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

All:

Though there are exceptions to the rule of course, I have found that men are more prone to see sex as an end in itself, while women are more capable of seeing it as a means to an end.
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Cynique

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Posted on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 12:40 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Chris and ABM: I'm just curious. Would it take a truly liberated man to marry a liberated woman with a "past" that included casually indulging her sexual appetite???
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ABM

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Posted on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 12:52 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Cynique,
Are you referring to a "liberated man" indulging a "liberated woman's" appetites with other men or women (or even farm animals!!!)?
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Kola

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Posted on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 01:04 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

CYNIQUE WROTE:

Chris and ABM: I'm just curious. Would it take a truly liberated man to marry a liberated woman with a "past" that included casually indulging her sexual appetite???

KOLA:

Of course I can answer that better than anyone.

The answer is "no". Thomas (who is sexist/christian/controlling and old fashioned from a deeply misogynist culture) fell in love with me and took me as his life partner...not only knowing my past, but also knowing that I continue to appear topless on the back of my books.

Thomas is as "macho" and "owning" as men come, but he's also intelligent, sensitive and he likes to RESCUE women. He's a very interesting person and he likes women who have a lot of layers. He also likes freaky imaginative sex and great cooking.

I'm sure you know, Cynique...Not many men could accept a woman like me. I am not only a womanist...but an exhibitionist and I'm not ashamed of having sewn my wild oats. MOST men would be embarrassed to be my husband--but then Aquaman (daddy's nickname) was never in a monogamous relationship until he met me.



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yukio

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Posted on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 01:59 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

CH:

"while women are more capable of seeing it as a means to an end."
And what is that end?
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Cynique

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Posted on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 02:01 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

ABM: No, I'm simply asking if only a liberated man could marry a woman who had a past history of screwing whomever and whenever she wanted to.

Kola: I'm getting a mixed message you. Thomas sounds like he's a liberated man to me.
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ABM

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Posted on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 02:13 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

These are just my lose opinions! So please don't take them to heart.

Since women have more physically - and some say, psychologically and emotionally - to risk by a sexual encounter, (in my humble opinion) I think we humans evolved into placing more importance on the chastity/fidelity of females than we do males. Also, you can't separate from the equation of female sexual liberation the issue of child paternity. Ok. Say I don't mind my wife knocking boots with some guy (PULEEEZE don't ever let my wife near Pierce Brosnan.). Cool. But what happens when she gets 'preggers'. Then we have to bear a 9-month countdown to familial calamity. And since women typically raise children, the husband will be (Horrors-of-Horror!!!) made to everyday live with, see, hear and even help feed, clothe and protect some other man's kid.

Also, because men think women typical lead with their heart and, unlike men, not with their groins, most men fear that if she's doin' him she's gotta be luvin' him. And if she's luvin' him...she's not luvin' me.

I recently watched an episode of HBO's Real Sex that featured Swinging marital couples (Yes, ABM's a perv'...but I couldn't resist!). The couple's seem to rhapsodically advocate "swinging" as a powerful marital 'aide'. They argued that an "open marriage" leads to less sneaking around; more variety of sexual experience, which bring newer, more interesting elements to the couple's own sex lives; people feel less trapped, reducing marital anxiety, stress, anger; it balances differences in sexual appetites (if the wife won't, the neighbor might). And you know, honestly, actually most of what the swingers said sounded quite reasonable, plausible and even doable...

...right up until I thought about some dude having sex with MY WIFE...

...then I was pretty much DONE with that! (HAHAHA!!!)


BTW: I didn't watch Real Sex with my wife. Because I know that had she been with me she might have viewed that as prelude to an "indecent proposal".
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Kola

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Posted on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 02:22 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

(chuckling) ABM...you're so adorable.


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ABM

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Posted on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 02:28 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Yukio says:ABM...."Well, at least....says.) Thats funny!

ABM says: You mean I have 'finally' said something that YUKIO finds to be unqualifiedly funny?

Why I 'deeclair'!

Would sum'one kindly han'meyah glassah ice watah. Cause I'ze might jus' fall down right her' an' faint.
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Cynique

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Posted on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 02:30 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

So in other words, ABM, your answer to my question is "no." BTW, it should be noted that there are trade-offs to being a liberated woman. Should she want to move on, her chances of settling into a monogamous domestic situation are reduced. (Unless, of course, she has been discreet about her sexual past, and is compatible with the idea that what a man doesn't know, won't hurt him.)
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ABM

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Posted on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 02:31 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Well, Kola, since you're feelin' dat way, maybe I should give dat 'swingin' thang anothah looksee.

Whadayah say? :-)
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ABM

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Posted on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 02:35 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Honestly, Cynique, I love my wife dearly. And I am at the stage in my life where her possibly having sex with another man doesn't concern me nearly as much as her LOVIN' another man.
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Kola

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Posted on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 02:37 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Giggling.

**And jiggling**

at ABM and his "swinging" thang.

You're funny daddy. Love ya!


.
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ABM

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Posted on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 02:41 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

"swingin'" and "danglin'", Baby. "swingin'" and "danglin'".
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Cynique

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Posted on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 02:44 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

ABM says:
Honestly, Cynique, I love my wife dearly. And I am at the stage in my life where her possibly having sex with another man doesn't concern me nearly as much as her LOVIN' another man.

Cynique says:
When everything is said and done, it's all about love, isn't it.
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ABM

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Posted on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 02:50 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

That's what it's ALL about. If you've got that, you can handle ANYTHING else.

Uh oh, Cynique. We sound like people...who are married.
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Cynique

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Posted on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 02:59 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Or, at least like people who have been in love. LOL
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ABM

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Posted on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 03:02 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Kola,
Would I be intruding by asking why you call your husband Aquaman?

And I've gotta agree that to many men few things says luvin' quite like "...freaky imaginative sex and great cooking...". And they're even better when you combine them into one "meal".
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ABM

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Posted on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 03:04 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Cynique,
...or at least like people who have been thoroughly P' or D' whipped.
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ABM

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Posted on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 03:12 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Yukio says: And what is that end?

ABM say: Money, power, good career/job, fame, mansions, cars, comfort, security, Gucci...Prada...Donna Karan...
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Kola

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Posted on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 03:20 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

ABM...I call him "Aquaman"...because when we first met, I couldn't get him out of my mother's swimming pool. He LOOVES swimming.


CYNIQUE is right--"it's all about love." Sex can only last so long, and there's only so many ways to do it.

But doing it with someone you love--is ALWAYS satisfying and nourishing. I tremble and shudder now to think that if I had stayed on the path I was on...I would have missed out on really loving a man. Aquaman has made me believe that Black men are really, really wonderful people. I even adore his sexism and his being macho.

And Cynique is probably right about him being "liberated", too. I just can't see it--but then again, I don't know why a man like him would be with a woman like me.

I am SOOOOO lucky to have him. It brings tears to my eyes when I think of how well he has treated me...and he "accepts" me as I am.


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ABM

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Posted on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 04:20 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Cynique: No, I'm simply asking if only a liberated man could marry a woman who had a past history of screwing whomever and whenever she wanted to.

ABM: I don't mind a woman having a 'past'...so long as that's where it (and any accompaning 'microbiological' elements) stay...and that I don't catch her with her 'past' in my bed because I came home earlier than she expected me to.
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Kola

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Posted on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 04:48 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

ABM---

Aquaman's "co-wife" arrives next Wednesday. Her name is TianUkira.

She's 22, born in London but studying at Claremont College. Her dad is a Hausa from Mali, Africa. Her mother is a biracial black American woman (half black, half white).

I absolutely adore her (although, I wish I wasn't becoming so sickly--I worry that I won't be good company). She should be with us until November.

Of course, Aquaman is acting like he doesn't want to hear about it....when I put them on the phone, he treated her coldly. He's already buying me stupid gifts that I don't need.

But that's the cute part about men. Their fear.



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Kola

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Posted on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 04:48 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

TianUkira gave me permission to talk about her. She's a very bright, funny girl. And so gorgeous!

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ABM

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Posted on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 05:02 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Kola,

I am going to copy all of the glowing things that you say about Thomas, transpose my name in the place of his and have my wife say them to me in a song every nite before I go to sleep. ((Sigh!))

But darn! I thought the "Aquaman" tag referred to some kinda slick underwater sex trick dude was particularly skilled at.
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ABM

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Posted on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 05:06 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Kola,

A novel involving co-wife arrangements has bestseller written ALL OVER it.
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Yukio

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Posted on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 07:30 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

ABM:
U are entertaining..
You answer to my ques. to CH could have also been love.....Oh Well!

I know men who want wealth and security from their mates, so they can have a two income home.
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Kola

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Posted on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 08:11 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Actually, ABM...I did not write about "the co-wives" in my upcoming autobiography. I only mentioned it in passing.

That's because I'm going to later write a NON-Fiction book...a book about "jealousy" and "love"...that will be notes detailing my experiences both...BEING a co-wife when I was very young....and NOW employing them myself during my pregnancies, which are really quite hard on me physically.

The great thing about that book is that it will allow black American women to see exactly how their foremothers had more "feminist" lives in the old days...and how we were often closer to other women than to our men. Our wombs, as I've often told you, were our only loyalty. Men were just hunters and warriors that we "placated" and "spoiled"....for protection from the environment.

The Caucasoids unfortunately have turned "romantic love" into a pulpy, senseless power game inwhich possessiveness is at the root...."physical beauty" risen over mothering techniques, cooking and spiritual depth...

--the friendships that women used to have LIVING TOGETHER with one man are now nonexistant as the women place their...."competitions for men's attention"....in front of their sisterhood.

The Europeans have done a terribly sexist thing in making us believe that a woman MUST have a man to be a complete person. Of course, in Africa, a woman also had to have a man--most African cultures don't allow "single" women--even the ugliest girl is married off to a man who needs a good cook or a pretty wife who needs someone to look after her children. But it's still not the same as being VALIDATED through the man.

Our sisterhood USED TO BE more important than any man. Women in rural Africa have always been feminists...always EXTREMELY close knit...many African women cannot wait for the men to go off hunting and exploring the land...so that the women can have their parties and hold river church.

In Africa, most women's PRIMARY relationship, spiritually and emotionally...is with another woman. The men are for sex and for protection from the elements.

So yes, ABM, I will be writting a very slim book about my experiences with Co-wifery. Aquaman will not like it, of course.

Poor Baby. It's so hard being Kola Boof's daddy. He's already furious about the things I wrote in "Diary of a Lost Girl".
He would like to strike me...if I was the kind of woman who put up with that mess.

I tell you...he's an old fashioned macho sexist Belgian.


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Kola

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Posted on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 08:11 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Did I say Belgian? I MEANT BELIGIAN. LOL


.
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Kola

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Posted on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 08:12 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Belizian. Dangriga. Garifuna Man.


O.K. I have trouble writing in English still, sometimes.


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Chris Hayden

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Posted on Saturday, July 26, 2003 - 11:17 am:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Cynique:

No. Once a man falls in love he usually adjusts his standards or morality to fit the woman he is with--if he is in love he will ignore her past or even deny it-- it would however take a truly understanding man to deal with her ex's coming back on the scene in any way--I think he might be extremely paranoid about letting her be with them in any way.

Yukio: There are as many ends as there are women--maybe more. All sorts of ends, including using sex with one man to get to another one. Women seem more capable of passing it up when it doesn't fit with their plans or other desires--say when it might cause problems--like when the man is involved with a friend or relative and the man would ignore that and just try to "score"--and that illustrates my point about the different ways men and women view sex. Women are more prone to see i as a way of solidifying a relationship and a man is thinking in terms of number accrued--I swear there are friends of mine who I think bedded a woman just so they could tell the rest of us about it--they seemed to enjoy that more than they did the actual lovemaking.
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Yukio

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Posted on Saturday, July 26, 2003 - 07:39 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

CH:
Thank for your answer.
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Cynique

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Posted on Saturday, July 26, 2003 - 11:45 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

I hear ya, Chris.
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ABM

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Posted on Sunday, July 27, 2003 - 01:41 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Yukio says: You answer to my ques. to CH could have also been love.....Oh Well!

ABM says: You know, Yukio. I knew that there was SOMETHING I forgot. HAHAHA!!!

No, seriously, I was just wisecrackin'. I do think most women 'try' to limit who they have sex with and marry to those whom they feel some love for. Although, if a dude will also spot a woman a convertible Mercedes, then that surely makes her luvin' all tbe bettah. Doesn't? ;)
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ABM

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Posted on Sunday, July 27, 2003 - 01:56 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Well said, Chris.

And to add to what you said: To many men who enjoy bedding numerous women, the most thrilling part about sex is not so much the act itself as much as it is the thrill of a woman's first giving in to sex. Often, men are chasing that initial "high" that comes making love to almost any women for the first time.

Some men chase many women because they become enthralled with that euphoria of the very first time a woman fully opens herself to them. He may luxuriates in the how every women uniquely emotes desire and pleasure. A man can become wholly 'addicted' with for the first time when & how a woman undresses. And he may revels in the moment of when for the first time she hungrily caress and kisses him, throws her head back...sighs....and then plead with him to make love to her.
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Yukio

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Posted on Sunday, July 27, 2003 - 06:01 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Has anyone read Sexual Healing by Jill Nelson?

I hear the novel addresses women's sexual practices, especially sex for pleasure's sake.
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ABM

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Posted on Sunday, July 27, 2003 - 07:36 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Kola,

How did you solicit for TianUkira's....ahh hmm...'services'? Did you acquire them via some intricate underground network? I find it interesting that although she has a AA mother and she a Londoner that she would participate in what many people born to and raised by Westerners would consider degrading.

I REALLY look forward to reading your book on co-wifery. Although you might want to consider penning a fictionalize accounting of this practice (written of course in your inimitable writing style). Because I think a novel would provide the needed excitement/drama of what happens in such arrangements yet allow you to shield your family, former co-wives & their families from unnecessary scrutiny & embarrassment. I know that you are perfectly comfortable with sharing what you do. But others might not want to be made publicly accountable for an arrangement that strays from Western social mores.

But that's just my limited view of things. No biggie. I'd read your book on the subject whether it was real or imagined.

Questions:
1) Is there no way to safely surgically correct you genitalia to make intercourse less physically stressful to you?
2) Will you continue contracting co-wives beyond your childbearing years?

I think part of the reason why so many Black women struggle to obtain and secure good relationships with brothahs is that they often DO cling to other women more than they do their men. Now maybe, as you illustrate, that was OK as men often did spend a lot of time away hunting, building, destroying, securing and warring. But there are far few reasons for men/women to be separated was we were before. And when you combine that with the fact that the sistahs are increasing enjoying greater vocational/business opportunities that men, making them MUCH LESS dependent on masculine support & security, you can argue there really are few concrete reasons for Black men and women to marry/co-habitate other than to on occasion engage in obligatory acts of procreation and in transitory sexual gratification.

So because there are fewer reasons for physically separating males/females and educational and economic prowess of females are now often outpacing males, the dynamics of how men/women interact within and between the genders must also change if we are going to have consistently solid, mutually beneficial relationships. (Sidebar: This may also in part explain the growing acceptance of homosexuality.)

I dig your quip "But that's the cute part about men. Their fear." concerning your husband being conflicted over your receiving your current co-wife. I find that women often like to invite us men to pull our pants down then you get angry when we bare our naked a$$ess. You women seem to especially LUV to see us squirm when confronted with the unsolvable emotional complexities of sex desire that we men struggle with.

I and my wife recently had a conversation with a friend who recently visited Nigeria. The subject of polygamy came up as my friend had met with several wealthy Nigerians men (all Muslim) who each had several wives. I asked the friend questions because I was interested in how a man and his wives safely navigate all of the intricacies of delicate/fragile human emotions. But the more I asked about the subject, the more uncomfortable my wife grew. So I had to let that go.

Although, women can be funny sometimes. My wife has actually said (jokingly perhaps) that sometimes she would not mind our occasionally having a co-wife'...so long as she can also reserve the option of likewise hiring a 'co-husband' (YIKES!!!).
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ABM

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Posted on Sunday, July 27, 2003 - 07:39 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

I have not read "Sexual Healing", Yukio.
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Kola

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Posted on Sunday, July 27, 2003 - 10:54 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Hey ABM...


ABM asked me:

How did you solicit for TianUkira's....ahh hmm...'services'?

KOLA:

I actually put out the word via "The Sudanese Center" in downtown Los Angeles (a Muslim run embassy-type organization run by a noted brain surgeon). He and his wife put out the word...to ALL AFRICANS...there is a large Arab, Ethiopian and Senegalese population in Southern California. I gave detailed descriptions of what I require...and what I prefer.

47 immigrants of African races (and 11 pure-blood Vietnamese, Cambodian and Korean women) responded to my search. **Asian women are raised in the same "co-wife" societies, so I always check for them.

At first I feared that I would not be able to find a girl in S. California...but then a friend of mines (a very famous black female filmmaker, actually) informed me of a Hausa-American girl she knew at Claremont College (about 40 miles from me).

TianUkira wrote me a letter expressing her desire to secure free room and board, a sizeable payment against her school loan and to learn directly about Nile River culture, which is quite different from her father's Hausa/Mali culture. She also wanted to get the "blessing" that the Hausa river goddess gives to maidens who give themselves in this manner...just as Sudan's goddess "Buk" blesses young women on the Nile for the same unselfishness.

Of course--this is all disgustingly SEXIST (yes, it is)...but it's where we come from. This is "our way".

And with the difficulties I incurr during pregnancy--I am grateful for other women's help and understanding.

SURE...I could pleasure Aquaman with my mouth (oral sex)...but honestly, I don't like him to touch me in any way when I'm pregnant. I don't want him feeling my breasts or even kissing me. My body belongs to the baby for this time, you see.

When we met for lunch...she turned out to be a very intelligent, charming girl. Bright and friendly--not too timid. Very sexy and pretty to my eye (although Aquaman claims she's a little "light" for his tastes--he CLAIMS that (wink)--her father is a yellow African). But I took to her immediately and felt that she would be professional, respectful and completely comfortable with the practices of her father's culture.

Trust me..."the first time" Aquaman goes to her room...I will be stabbed with jealousy. But then, I have also been a co-wife when I was young.

And really...there is no way to get "westerners" to understand this practice and that it is NOT as degrading as you called it, ABM. It is natural to us. That women should help out other women in distress.

There are rules/folkways which are in place to keep the three of us in our places. And ofcourse, as is obvious...I truly believe that Aquaman loves only me and that no other woman could change that fact.

As a person...she is not the type of woman he would choose for a relationship. That is why I picked her. She's not his type.

ABM asked me--


1) Is there no way to safely surgically correct you genitalia to make intercourse less physically stressful to you?

KOLA:

YES...my Black American adoptive parents wanted to surgically correct it when I was 12...but I objected on the basis that the infibulation is the only thing that I have...that connects me to my birth mother, Jiddi. My mother ("Mommysweet") was an Oromo from the Gisi-Waaq clan. It took Mahdi Pappuh 3 years to save up enough money to purchase Mommysweet. She believed greatly, as he did, in the "cutting" of females for "purification". The mark was marked on her...so I want it marked it on me. This is all I have of her, you see.

2) Will you continue contracting co-wives beyond your childbearing years?

KOLA:

ABSOLUTELY NOT. I am usually physically well enough to endure sex if I'm not pregnant or having a bad menstral month. As well...Aquaman acts extremely awkward and uncomfortable with having co-wives (he wanted them to live away from the house, but I insisted that they live in the house with us). I think that by arranging for him to sleep with other women--I accidentally "de-fanged" some impulse within him. He usually goes the first month without touching them...but as I keep seducing him and nagging him, he then goes and relieves himself. I would prefer it that way. I don't believe in a man having untended sexual urges. It's not smart for a woman to have her husband full of all that. From both the U.S. Southern Black and the Sudani/African cultures, I was raised that men should be as well fed and sexed as possible--this slows a man down so that he can "think" straight.

ALSO...ABM. I think you're missing a major point.

Right now in 2003...100 million African women are still sexually circumsized. This is a LARGE factor in why African women have traditionally welcomed the "co-wife". Imagine that if 100 million are circumsized today...then as many as 500 million are estimated for the year 1920.

AND...don't forget that 80% of the African girls who were brought to the New World during the slave trade...were Sexually Circumsized. This is why Black American men who claim that African women came here "seducing" white men and ENJOYING being raped...are absolute fools. Your foremothers came here "CUT".

West Africa, after NORTH AFRICA, is the largest practicer of infibulation.

ABM SAID:

concrete reasons for Black men and women to marry/co-habitate other than to on occasion engage in obligatory acts of procreation and

KOLA:

The #1 concrete reason for black men and women to marry/co-habitate...is to create and rear BLACK children..which is our only real natural resource; our only real wealth. As I have told you many times--"I teach my sons how to make generations". Without a black man...without a black woman...there can be no new generations. It takes BOTH. Authentic black people come from the love and struggle of the black man and the black woman. Regardless of what the Black Americans teach about race--we that are black and are of Africa are "a people"...our hair is, as we call it, "the proof". We are God's first people. We are the ones...who were ordered to procreate and to stand against satan in God's image. **Children, ABM, are the reason for marriage and staying together. EVERYTHING...is for the children.

And yes...homosexuality is natural and is good for those who are "gatekeepers" (the Gatekeepers being those ancient tribes that lived in separation of the sexes).

ABM:

Although, women can be funny sometimes. My wife has actually said (jokingly perhaps) that sometimes she would not mind our occasionally having a co-wife'...so long as she can also reserve the option of likewise hiring a 'co-husband' (YIKES!!!).

KOLA:

Co-wives are often taken in, ABM...to cook, take care of children and other reasons. Think of this--what if you have a niece or a sister who is really not attractive in the least??? Almost all African (both Animist and Muslim) societies have the co-wife position as "insurance" that no girl will be without protection, shelter and children....and as well....many African women contract co-wives to cook and clean ONLY...but be off limits to the man sexually.

There are SOME tribes in Southern Sudan, West Kenya and Ethiopia...where the females have multiple husbands. There are also tribes in West Africa where this is permissible.

ABM SAID:

I find that women often like to invite us men to pull our pants down then you get angry when we bare our naked a$$ess.

KOLA SAID:

You're right. THere is the danger that Aquaman could get "carried away" by these "treats". And if he did...you are right.....I would leave him, AND, in California law...I would get HALF of everything he has. People still don't realize that I don't have any real money yet--Aquaman has his own business and has all the money. But yes, I would turn into a total bitch if he slept with a woman that I did not sanction and provide--that would be "cheating".

As I've often told him--"Whatever you do in the street...just love me enough to make sure that I never find out."

But honestly, ABM. I'm different from other women. I notice this. I don't see "sex" the other women do. And I feel loved and adored by Aquaman. That's all I really care about.

Let's pray he's a smart man and plays his cards right. It's not what men do...it's how they do it. Most, unfortunately, are very careless and STUPID.








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Cynique

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Posted on Sunday, July 27, 2003 - 11:02 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Yukio, I just read a review of "Sexual Healing" that referred to it as being a little over the top, but conceded that its topic made good subject matter for a book that is not only a sexual spoof but a political one. It's about 2 black women who come up with the idea for a spa for frustrated sisters, a place where they can come and have all of their needs serviced by virile black studs. Naturally, complications arise. Hummmmm.
ABM: I am also wondering how Koka is having all of this fabulous orgasmic sex if she has been the victim of female castration.
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Kola

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Posted on Sunday, July 27, 2003 - 11:13 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

I still have a clitoris, Cynique...

What do you use?

We do not "castrate" women in Omdurman...we "circumsize" them. They keep their clitoris.

CIRCUMSISION...not "castration". In other words, the labia are inlaid with "markings" and the entrance SEWN SHUT until marriage. Our Zarpunni (the women's community) does not remove the clitoris.

And stop calling your mother's name--KOKA.







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Red

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Posted on Sunday, July 27, 2003 - 11:40 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Kola--

Why don't you just come out and admitt you're a lesbian?

I've been reading your web sites and it all adds up. The co-wife is for you.

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The Real Red

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Posted on Monday, July 28, 2003 - 01:04 am:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Who is the a**hole posting under my name? I thought we were all adults here!!

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Kola

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Posted on Monday, July 28, 2003 - 01:40 am:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Hi Red,

Thanx for clarifying that. Actually, I thought it sounded like "someone else" I know and not you.

As it turns out--I am NOT lesbian--I'm stickly d__ckly.

But my closest friend is a lesbian and I love her to death.

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Chris Hayden

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Posted on Wednesday, July 30, 2003 - 02:08 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Kola:

How are your American adoptive parents? What do they think about the Saga of Kola Boof?
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Kola

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Posted on Wednesday, July 30, 2003 - 02:49 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Hi Chris,

My African American parents are doing great. They have allowed me to use their names in my book "Diary of a Lost Girl". And everytime I wrote about them, I cried.

My black American mother (who looks like Cynique and reminds me of Cynique) is really the person who MADE ME such a vocal, bold person. Trust me--I do not have the personality of a Sudanese village girl. I am Americanized by my NANA and by "mother".

They're not happy with my career, Chris. They totally understand my philosophy and they agree with much of it. But they don't like me risking my life....they want me to write safe Connie Briscoe books and raise their grandbabies in peace and happiness.....they worry about me.

They LOOOVE Thomas, because he..."slowed her fast behind down".

My "DAD" is my hero. He was the first one I met and he's always spoiled me rotten. He looks like Shaft!! He's a 1960's activist and he EXPANDED on what I had been taught by Mahdi Pappuh (my birth father) back in Sudan.

I have an extremely wonderful, loving Black American family...they come from North Carolina, Georgia and Tennessee and they're very down to earth and funny. I always thank God that I was raised by Southern Blacks 'cause they're the closest to African people I've seen in this country. They have "energy" in their hands--I kid you not!!




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Cynique

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Posted on Wednesday, July 30, 2003 - 06:13 pm:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Damn, Kola, what do you do? Sit there and examine that tiny little picture of me on the back of my book all day? Since you've never seen, or talked to me in person, I find it peculiar that as much as we rub each other the wrong way, you would say I remind you of your "beloved" adopted mother. I have to be the most unmaternal person in the world. I don't even remind my kids of anybody's mother. I don't deny, however, being a hot mama...
ummmm.
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yukio

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Posted on Thursday, July 31, 2003 - 10:10 am:   Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

cynique:

tacky and funny!

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