| Author | Message | ||
     Cagedbird Veteran Poster Username: Cagedbird Post Number: 212 Registered: 02-2004 Rating: N/A |
Try a reply to this one, or have you written one already???? Body Language I see you across the room, Your eyes are fixed right on me. They start at my head, And go down to my red, high-heeled shoes. I try to concentrate on something else, But my eyes continue to return back to you. I become uncomfortable, uneasy, As you begin to approach me. You ask me for a dance, I hesitate, Then I slowly enter into your embrace. Bodies attracting like a magnet, Sticking together like glue. Your body speaks fluently, mine… Listens. © Cagedbird 2000 | ||
| Carey AALBC .com Platinum Poster Username: Carey Post Number: 2309 Registered: 05-2004 Rating: N/A |
Let me see what I can do with that one. I believe I can work with that. I've read that before and at that time it inspired something in me. Be back | ||
| Carey AALBC .com Platinum Poster Username: Carey Post Number: 2310 Registered: 05-2004 Rating: N/A |
Body Language, Yours & Mine I see you too Your presence is real Times pauses I am feeling you Others, Thoughts, Try to intrude, Us We are together If only in my mind Life's suspended Locked away We sit on a rainbow Gold? At the end? A dance Not now I have you A diamond Formed Cultured like a pearl I too, I am stuck on you The end is not near Time is suspended I am with you | ||
| Cagedbird Veteran Poster Username: Cagedbird Post Number: 215 Registered: 02-2004 Rating: N/A |
Man, I lost all what I had wrote  I will reply in your box, out. | ||
| Carey AALBC .com Platinum Poster Username: Carey Post Number: 2314 Registered: 05-2004 Rating: N/A |
It could have been something about that first line, it falls flat. Without your poem, that line is like a dangling modifier. Plus, it lacks any real punch. I might as well have said "gotcha baby, you know what I want, lets not fake the funk. sticky wicky, how bout a quicky" Or something like that :- ). |
