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Americansista
Regular Poster
Username: Americansista
Post Number: 114
Registered: 09-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 09, 2007 - 10:31 am: | 
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Black men, I mean. I love my brothers but do we, as black women cover for them way too much?
A few years ago I worked at a company. There was a black Dept. Head there (not my supervisor) who would alway say inappropriate, highly sexual things to me. It was a classic case of sexual harassment (i.e., promise of promotion within his Department if I dated him, things like that). He would make it a point to come to were I was working at and ask could he talk with me in private. When I would get into his office, he would start up.
Well I was shocked and very uncomfortable to the point I would miss days of work. When I had my evaluation, every section glowed except for attendance. Now my supervisor, a white male asked me was anything going on in my personal life because I had NEVER missed so much work in 3 years than I did in that 6 mo. period.
It was on the tip of my tongue, yall...to tell this white man about this lecherous black man who was harassing me but I just couldn't. I know this sounds stupid as hell but I didn't want to get the brother in trouble. He actually was an intelligent, very capable person and for his work duties, he deserved his 6 figure salary. He was one of only 3 black Dept. heads making that much money.
So to make a long story even longer, I sucked it up and kept it to myself. Thank god within 3 weeks of that I got the job I am currently at now.
I am wondering if I did the right thing? I wanted his azz to get checked but I didn't want any big hoopla about it. When I talked to my friends about it, I was shocked how many of them have covered for a brotha making passes at them at the workplace.
Ladies, how would you have handled my situation? I'll just say this: I was in my VERY EARLY 20s then and now that I am older and hindsight is 20/20, maybe I would have done things differently instead of letting him get away with it.
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Enchanted
Veteran Poster
Username: Enchanted
Post Number: 581
Registered: 11-2005
Rating: 
Votes: 1 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 09, 2007 - 11:28 am: |
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Yes we do and that partly why they hate us we smother our men. 
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Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 2863
Registered: 01-2006
Rating:
Votes: 2 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 09, 2007 - 11:37 am: |
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Bump protecting that sonofabitch. Obviously I'm not privy to how your managers would have handled this, but I would venture to guess that if you had spilled the beans to the chain of command, they would have made him a member of the office goodoldboy system and you would have been the odd man out. What were you doing on your days off? I'd have taken that time to stalk his Black ass right on back. Caused problems with his wife (it only takes ONE phone call), slit his tires, set his house on fire and fed his sorry ass some rat poison. I have some other dirty tricks up my sleeve but those are trade secrets. When people fuck with my livelihood, it's on.
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Enchanted
Veteran Poster
Username: Enchanted
Post Number: 587
Registered: 11-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 09, 2007 - 11:40 am: |
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LMAO!!!!! Mzuri that a good one! I wish I was like you years ago when I needed to be LOLLLLLL!!! |
Fortified
Regular Poster
Username: Fortified
Post Number: 420
Registered: 04-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 09, 2007 - 12:34 pm: |
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Yup, your ex-manager was taking advantage of his position and you let him. Protecting them like that only shows a lack of respect for yourself, and after that, how can you expect them to respect you? You have to show people how you want to be treated and command respect. When a white man or woman is wrong, (s)he's wrong. When a black man is wrong, he's wrong. When a black woman is wrong, she's wrong. Plain and simple. |
Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 6573
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 09, 2007 - 12:44 pm: |
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Why didn't you just tell him off? Shame him. Explain how uncomfortable he was making you feel while emphasizing that you were not that kind of a girl; or even threaten to report him. You chose to be his ennabler. Obviously this was before you developed your aggressive personality |
Americansista
Regular Poster
Username: Americansista
Post Number: 115
Registered: 09-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 09, 2007 - 01:58 pm: |
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Mzuri - I can't remember what I did on my days off, lol but I know I didn't want to be near his perverted ass. I was way younger and I guess intimidated. I just let him get away with it. I'm guessing he's probably still the same type of man. I wonder if he ever got fired.
Fortified - I respect myself completely. Respect had nothing to do with it. Where the hell did you get that from? I was young, intimidated and didn't want to cause waves. Had I not respected myself, I would have let him dive face first in my pussy and been general manager by now.
Cynique - Telling that fool off would have probably turned him on. Now I just didn't sit there while he was talking his foolishness. I told him that I don't get down like that and don't ever call me into his office for the nonsense ever again. My aggressive personality? Where do you get this from? I'm not really that aggressive, most days I just chill but I clown alot. Confrontations don't bother me and never have but I had never experienced any thing like that before and really didn't know how to handle it, to be honest. I just thought maybe I was reading more into it and that if I said something, he would have gotten into trouble. In my reasoning, he hadn't touched me, only said words so why let white folks take this man's livelyhood?
Now that is how I USE to think. Now I know more and I'm a bit older.
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Satina
Newbie Poster
Username: Satina
Post Number: 48
Registered: 05-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 09, 2007 - 02:19 pm: |
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I just don't understand why you would cover for him??? Black or white I'm not covering for any ass hole. That's one thing I don't understand that black people do. I just can't cover for someone doing something wrong, out of pocket, ignorant, criminal, stupid, etc, etc, - just because they're black. And then, you can't point out problems in the black community that need to be corrected without being labeled a traitor, "trying to be white", da-da-da. There's not unity, and most in the community don't give a damn about you so why put your job on the line. |
Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 2868
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 09, 2007 - 02:21 pm: |
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He sexually harrassed you and created a hostile environment to the point where you dreaded going to work. It's illegal but most times when these episodes are reported, things are swept under the rug, the woman is blamed and no disciplinary action is taken against the perpetrator. If an investigation does occur, your co-workers - especially the females - will side with management and say it was you that was the flirt, you wore short skirts/dresses to the office, you exposed your cleavage and you invited the advances and attention of the men in the office.
This observation is made by me after 20+ years being employed by a federal agency and also being a labor union official for much of that time. I've seen it all. The movies that you've seen where the victim becomes the victor, that scenario rarely plays out in real life.
You handled it as best you could at the time, second guessing serves no purpose. The harrasser is probably a gazillionaire now, hasn't changed, he has most likely been richly rewarded and he has pushed himself upon others. Try to forget about him and move on.
If this sort of thing happens to you again, see my first post above. I'm serious.
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Chrishayden
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Chrishayden
Post Number: 3340
Registered: 03-2004
Rating:
Votes: 1 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 09, 2007 - 02:29 pm: |
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He would make it a point to come to were I was working at and ask could he talk with me in private. When I would get into his office, he would start up.
<<Mistake number one. Once you found out this was what was going down you should have laid it on him--that is, you are to stop and if you do it again I'm going to report you, and if he did it again, report him.
Nowadays a woman don't have to put up with that crap--
It was on the tip of my tongue, yall...to tell this white man about this lecherous black man who was harassing me but I just couldn't. I know this sounds stupid as hell but I didn't want to get the brother in trouble. He actually was an intelligent, very capable person and for his work duties, he deserved his 6 figure salary. He was one of only 3 black Dept. heads making that much money
that was stupid. He was probably a Republican. He didn't give a damn about you and he wouldn't do that to a white woman, I'll bet.
I can never understand why women--not just sisters--react like this. When you do that you just give the dude the impression that it is okay with you are you are playing hard to get or being wishy washy or on the fence or easy
Nip it in the bud! Nip it! Be a hardass. This kind of person will not only do it, but spread it around so that the others will do it too. |
Americansista
Regular Poster
Username: Americansista
Post Number: 117
Registered: 09-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 09, 2007 - 02:30 pm: |
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Santina - please read the topic in it's entirety or do you want to me say again - for the 20009th time - that I was YOUNG, INTIMATED and did NOT want to cause any waves? I did NOT jeopordize my job, I left on my own free will.
Mzuri - I doubt it will happen again but if it did...I'll do you one better. I will send off for gay porn mags in the sucka's name and send them to his office AND home. |
Chrishayden
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Chrishayden
Post Number: 3343
Registered: 03-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 09, 2007 - 02:33 pm: |
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If you act this way again it will happen again--people are like animals. When they sense fear and insecurity they will attack you. |
Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 2872
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 09, 2007 - 02:39 pm: |
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Having gay porn mags sent to his home is good. Illegal but good. |
Lola_ogunnaike
Regular Poster
Username: Lola_ogunnaike
Post Number: 411
Registered: 10-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 09, 2007 - 02:45 pm: |
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I have a cleaning lady in my crib right now, cleaning her ass off. She's doing a fab job, she is polite and has a sweet personality. She came from an agency but I'm hoping to hire her "off the books" in future. The overall cleaning is costing $90. My crib is a bad mess so she really has to put in work. How much should I tip her?
You are so coarse and so ghetto. Its angry, unrefined black bytches like you that give the rest of us a bad name. |
Lola_ogunnaike
Regular Poster
Username: Lola_ogunnaike
Post Number: 412
Registered: 10-2006
Rating: 
Votes: 1 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 09, 2007 - 03:00 pm: |
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Bump protecting that sonofabitch. Obviously I'm not privy to how your managers would have handled this, but I would venture to guess that if you had spilled the beans to the chain of command, they would have made him a member of the office goodoldboy system and you would have been the odd man out. What were you doing on your days off? I'd have taken that time to stalk his Black ass right on back. Caused problems with his wife (it only takes ONE phone call), slit his tires, set his house on fire and fed his sorry ass some rat poison. I have some other dirty tricks up my sleeve but those are trade secrets. When people fuck with my livelihood, it's on
You are so coarse and so ghetto. Its angry, unrefined black bytches like you that give the rest of us a bad name. |
Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 2875
Registered: 01-2006
Rating:
Votes: 2 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 09, 2007 - 03:09 pm: |
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LoBitch - I wish you'd get a clue and realize that no one here gives a flying fuck about your thoughts and opinions. Go sit on a rusty nail or something and let grown folks partake of grown folks conversations.
Thank you. 
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Chrishayden
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Chrishayden
Post Number: 3346
Registered: 03-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 09, 2007 - 03:32 pm: |
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I'm old school--having several very large and very mean looking male relatives confront him on the parking lot. |
Urban_scribe
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Urban_scribe
Post Number: 285
Registered: 05-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 09, 2007 - 03:51 pm: |
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Chrishayden wrote:
I'm old school--having several very large and very mean looking male relatives confront him on the parking lot.
Atta boy, Chris. Now we're talking! |
Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 6587
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 09, 2007 - 04:44 pm: |
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Isn't it amazing what a short memory ol Lola Oink-oink has, Mzuri? After all of the lewd things she has posted and that dreary picture of herself she keeps blemishing the board with, she has the nerve to talk about somebody being coarse. LOL, |
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