| Author | Message | ||
     Carey AALBC .com Platinum Poster Username: Carey Post Number: 2109 Registered: 05-2004 Rating: N/A |
Sunday mornings are great. My door is open and my music is playing. In the morning I grind my own coffee and if I can say so - it's pretty good. I used to smoke a joint while drinking my coffee but, Indiana wants me, lord I can't go back there - okay. Anyway, I didn't go to church today because I am doing the church at home thang. You know how that goes. Well, it usually starts with a lame excuse like I didn't get my hair done or my clothes ain't right. To be honest, at times I've stayed away on First Sundays because, well, I wasn't trying to stay in church all day. I know that's not right but it is what it is. Plus, there's no basket being passed in my house. But hey, I am listening to the gospel station and I am singing along. I can't hit a note, but, like I said, am at home - it's just me. Don't get me wrong, being alone can be an ugly thing. Have you ever left your living room after watching a long movie and returned to a stinky smell, and then realized it was your breath that you left behind? How about the lows of looking at yourself butt naked in the mirror. Now that's the pits ain't it. I don't care what anyone tells us, we know those breasts and those six-pack-abbs are not positioned as they once were. In fact, the breast have laid on down - they tired. Or, what might have been a nicely formed six pack stomach is nothing more than a big fat gut. A smart choice of clothes can hide a little something but naked don't lie. Those nice perky breasts were probably the tools of big fun and may still have a little play in them but today they just don't have as much bounce. But hey, good things come in all types of packages. Fat ones - flat ones - flopping ones and dropping ones, it's all in the hands of the holder .....or is that is that the eyes of the beholder? Yesterday I was standing next to a women who just happened to be a guest speaker at a serious function. The sista was strong, her message was tight but when I got close to her to give her a hug, I felt like running home to repair my old model airplanes. See, glue was oozing from her hair - yes glue. I don't know what she paid for that weave but something wasn't right. I couldn't help but think that she might also have been constipated. I mean, with all that glue running down her back, something had to get plugged up. Okay, that might not be a nice thing to say. It's probably not the most common way to become constipated. But let me tell you something, I've been constipated - ooh yeah! I've had to take a looooong book with me to the toilet. Yep, it was a struggle. I wanted to use my fingers as a helping tool but there wasn't enough room - back there- around there - to wedge my fingers. That's nasty ain't it? Tell me about it, I was sweating and everything. You think I am kidding? I started to call 911 so they could help my nasty stinkin' behind. My sphincter was like a toll bridge under repair - it wasn't letting anything come through. Somebody knows what am talking about - right? Okay, I'll just say its happened to me. Come on now, I know I am not the only one that has experienced such pain. What about this. Have you ever thought you've wiped yourself - you know- back there, but later found out that you left something behind? You know, back there in the most itchy part of your behind. Ouch, come on home. I think at one time in our life we've all "thought" we did a great job of knocking it down but when that tinge-itch tells us differently we know we're in trouble. No big deal but here's the problem. That warning doesn't tell us we've made a mistake until after we' re somewhere that we can't take care of our business. We might find ourselves in the middle of an important meeting or riding in a car. This calls for drastic measures. I've tried the deep-booty-scoot thang. All that does is move it around to a bigger area . How about the sniper attack? You know, look right, look left and then - and only then - if no one is looking - get right to it. Yes sir, right through draws, panties and everything - the job has to be done. Of course this may be a temporary solution. Sometimes one just has to excuse them self and go to the nearest restroom and go to work. Don't you just hate it when someone invites you to their home and you quickly realize that for various reasons you do not think it's a good idea to consume anything prepared by the hands of the person that invited you and in that home. Come on, I have some family members that I'd like to tell the world about. Poor church folk, they still ain't figured out that special ingredient in Aunt Mabels delicious Velvet Cake. Crushed dreams -- they can be something else. I thought my grandson would be this big tough guy that all the ladies would just droll over. He's in this karate class and as I watched all the other kids toss each other around I realized that my grandson couldn't throw himself down a steep hill. Thank god for the new possibilities of a Black President. Sometimes I like to pull it all in. You know, just get away from the world. I turn off my television and my phone and I lock the doors. If someone knocks on my door I just pretend like I don't hear them. Some friends are persistent. they'll keep knocking as if they know you're in there. When that happens, I snatch open the door and look at them with a vengeful stare. Without saying a word, they know they should have called. They pause and say, okay, and I shut the door. They may think that I am nuts but that's fine - I'll be nuts and by myself - just the way I planned it. Anyway, today is a pull back day - it's music, e-mails and more music. It's reading, drinking coffee and sitting around in my pj's. I played an old song by Aretha Franklin - Rock Steady. I broke out all my old moves. I had that snake thang going on. Do you remember when white people thought they could do the snake. Wasn't that ugly. I did the robot, the flashlight, the stomp and the bump (used the wall). Did the stanky leg too. I even broke out the white man's favorite dance - the wiggly worm. It's not really a dance. It's that thing white people do when they can't think of anything else to do - they wiggle like a worm. White girls are particularly good at that one. I think they think it's sexy. It sort of fitting though, because I've never seen a wiggly worm with a big booty. I am a single black man and dating is tough. But my desires and wishes of a lady are simple. I just tell them to always smell pleasant and be clean - try not to be pretentious or deceitful and don't lie. Oh, there is one more thing - don't fart in my company. Is that too much to ask? Am just saying, some people think that breaking wind is funny. I've never understood that one. I love Sundays. I think I'll end my day by watching Tiger Woods win another golf tournament and then watch a movie. I might even invite a lady over for dinner and a movie - might. What do you think? I mean - about anything? | ||
| Ntfs_encryption "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Ntfs_encryption Post Number: 3671 Registered: 10-2005 Rating: |
Uhhhhhh....What was the point of all this? Just curious..... | ||
| Carey AALBC .com Platinum Poster Username: Carey Post Number: 2111 Registered: 05-2004 Rating: |
Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I have to give it to you, you're consistent. You said almost the same thing when I posted parts of this nearly a year ago. I think the last time you said something like, "whats your point". Like 99.999 % of all posts, it's not news. It's just the opinions and ramblings of a black man. Tiger Woods did win that golf tounament yesterday, even though he was down by 3 strokes at the start of the day (when I wrote the post). Uuuuummmm, maybe there was a purpose to the madness. | ||
| Troy AALBC .com Platinum Poster Username: Troy Post Number: 1902 Registered: 01-2004 Rating: N/A |
Hey Carey, Why do you go to church? Have you considered trying Metimucil (sp?) or perhaps a cleanse. Man given you struggles dwn under I'd be a little concerned about eating at YOUR house! LOL Don't be so hard on your grandson. NTFS: this post sort of reminded me of one of Cynique's recent posts: http://www.thumperscorner.com/discus/messages/179/48976.html. While it was on a completely different level one might have asked the same question: "What was the point of all this?" Did you read her musing? I guess if the post speaks to you on some level, the question answers itself... But as you can see Carey is not like most folks ;-) Making the board all the more interesting, well... sort of LOL | ||
| Carey AALBC .com Platinum Poster Username: Carey Post Number: 2112 Registered: 05-2004 Rating: N/A |
Troy, my old friend, you hit on a few good points. Man! When I read Ntfs's post, I too thought of Cynique's post. That's crazy, we've been hanging out way too much. That might not be a good thang for you. It's funny that you mentioned Metimucil and a cleanse. I actually do cleanse. It's not because I've been stopped up, I use it just to empty my system - to start new. In fact, I did one just the other day. I follow it with a diet absent of meat products. It's a great way to lose weight and gain energy. I ease in the meat but by then my stomach has less tolerance for the weight and fullness it brings. Hence, I lose pounds by listening to the early warnings and eating properly. Yeah Troy, you probably wouldn't want to eat anything I cooked after I've been digging around in my behind *lol*. Like reading the bible, I go to church to learn how to be a better man. I have a great pastor and he's a wonderful role model. Of course his messages are referenced from the bible but they always tie into trying to live a life based of solid values and moving away from opinions of others while focusing on the facts. I also go to church to fellowship with others that are at least trying to do the right thing. That's not to say there is not mess in the church or messy people,but that's not the main goal of those that attend. On a side note, I met the women who I now spend most of my time with, at the church I now attend. We've been doing our thang for a couple of years. She's been a gift. Some people go to church and quote scripture and frequently take scripture out of it's contexts to illustrate a point - sometimes selfserving and off point. That's not my thang. If someone does hit me with scripture, I've found it important/rewarding to know who wrote the book from which the text was taken and the purpose of the author. For instance the book Corinthians. That book was written by Paul, the apostle and he was talking to the people of Corinth, an important commercial city in Greece. Okay, now I have a starting point and can better understand the messages within that book. I can branch off to see what Paul was all about and also the city of Corinth. Through that whole process, I might learn a little something about myself. I can also hear the slant of others when they drop scripture as a trump card. | ||
| Ntfs_encryption "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Ntfs_encryption Post Number: 3672 Registered: 10-2005 Rating: N/A |
"Like 99.999 % of all posts, it's not news. It's just the opinions and ramblings of a black man." OK....No problem. As I said, I was just curious. Keep posting your Sunday reflections..... | ||
| Carey AALBC .com Platinum Poster Username: Carey Post Number: 2113 Registered: 05-2004 Rating: N/A |
Now Troy, "don't keep turning me on, right in the middle of turning me off". You don't know nothing about that song, but check this out. You asked the question, why did I go to church. Many people ask a question with a mission in mind. Some ask a question because they are simply looking for the answer to that question. Ntsf asked a question and said he was merely curious. Your question, although not a loaded question, (Well, not toatally) seemed to be looking for something that I didn't give you? Here's my thang. Some view "church" from a dogma point of view. They assume everyone that attends church will act or should act a certain way. To some degree, that thinking keeps some individuals away from the church. Some churches do have a very strict "religion"/dogma and to go to those types of churches, one might be expected to act a certain way. So, tell me why you asked the question. And if you feel comfortable enough, you might tell me why you do or do not attend a church on a regular basis. And btw, stay away from Thump, that boy ain't no good. | ||
| Troy AALBC .com Platinum Poster Username: Troy Post Number: 1907 Registered: 01-2004 Rating: |
Carey I asked the question because I was curious why you went. Since you seem to willing to share intimate and personal thoughts I figured I could get an honest answer out of you. You indicated that you avoided First Sundays, when it would appear that is when one would want to go, to take communion, etc. It does not sound like you tithe. It seemed more of a social thing for you, a place to hear some live music. I asked why you go to church so that I could read what you had to say. I was not interested in making a moral judgement. I was just interested in learning how you felt. I, on the other hand, am a little more private and will not share my own motivations here. ...and no, I'm not an atheist ;-) | ||
| Carey AALBC .com Platinum Poster Username: Carey Post Number: 2114 Registered: 05-2004 Rating: |
It's interesting what we hear and what we assume. I did not say I avoided all First Sundays. I said there have been times I did not go on First Sunday and I stated why. As you can see, we are moving down a path of dogmas and religion. Communion is a tradition and I do take communion. I think it wise that we leave that right there. I don't think we want to get too involved with what communion represents. Well, not in this forum. Troy, I don't know what you read but why would you think I didn't tithe and what led you to believe I went to only hear live music. You have to read the post again but maybe you did and are just trying to be funny. In my morning service, there is no live music. Also, I didn't assume you were making a moral judgement, that's why I asked for clarification. It seems as if you left me on this one, Troy. Although you said you were not making a moral judgement, it appears you have a preconception of what going to church is about and what others should be doing when they get there - how often they should go and on what days. I am basing my opinion on your assumption that I didn't tithe and that communion can only be taken on Sundays. And when you dropped "a place to hear some live music" it sealed the deal. It was as if you didn't read my post or either you were stuck in your own ideas about church. Maybe I should have told you how often I go to church (aside from Sunday) or what is the most fulfilling things I get from going. Maybe then you might be less prone to speak for me. I understand your hesitency not to divulge your beliefs. Aside from the fact that it's really no ones business, it probably would be hard to define (for you)- at the least to the understanding and popular view that others sit on. Not just where you go, but why, and what "YOU" get when you get there. By your words, I will assume you are involved in some form of religion? | ||
| Carey AALBC .com Platinum Poster Username: Carey Post Number: 2115 Registered: 05-2004 Rating: N/A |
One more thang Troy. If you decide to do a little more sharing, I am going to tell you like you told me. You error when you say one thing then walk in another direction. Your whole post was filled with judgement calls. You were the judge. Although I said one thing your eye could only see something else. You are a bright and intelligent man but this might be a subject that ..... Well, like you told me, you error when .... | ||
| Troy AALBC .com Platinum Poster Username: Troy Post Number: 1908 Registered: 01-2004 Rating: N/A |
Carey, now this is very telling. I know nothing about your religious views. I drew no permanent conclusions from anything you wrote. And I certainly made no pretense of speaking for you. If I did any of that I would not have bothered to ASK you any questions. I would have drew my own conclusions and went on about my business... Actually, I assumed you were trying to be funny too. So I started out slowly by asking a simple open ended question. "Why do you go to church?" YOU were the one who made light about the collection plate and staying in church all day on first Sundays. You wrote that, not I. Was I supposed to assume to liked going to church on first Sundays and eagerly contributing to the church based upon YOUR comments? I was actually satisfied by your response "I go to church to learn how to be a better man." I guess the real question, as NTFS posted, is; "What was the point of all this?" But I'll ask a couple of more since this is a discussion baord and not a blog: Carey here are two simple (yes/no) questions for you: Do you tithe? Do you like first Sundays at ytour church? Carey you are a bright and intelligent too. You have a lot more experience than I, in areas I know little about. I guess that is why I'm interested in your opinion. That plus the fact that you open yourself up led me to believe that your were open to inquiry into your personal beliefs. Was I wrong? | ||
| Carey AALBC .com Platinum Poster Username: Carey Post Number: 2116 Registered: 05-2004 Rating: N/A |
"That plus the fact that you open yourself up led me to believe that your were open to inquiry into your personal beliefs. Was I wrong?" Nope. I am an open book. You are correct, humor is tuff to translate. It's difficult to write - it's difficult to hear-especially if it's on paper. Tithing is generally different from the collection plate. It can be done at any time or any day. We get 1099's for those donations. Some tithe by the month. We'll move on. | ||
| Troy AALBC .com Platinum Poster Username: Troy Post Number: 1909 Registered: 01-2004 Rating: N/A |
Hey Carey, I don't tithe either ;-) | ||
| Carey AALBC .com Platinum Poster Username: Carey Post Number: 2117 Registered: 05-2004 Rating: N/A |
Hey Troy, there you go with that mess ;-) Now you know I smelled you through the door *wink* Can we talk about loaded questions *lol*? I heard you when you cocked the trigger. Every closed eye ain't sleep. but here's the lick. I am about to put you up on a little game. When a person thinks they know an answer to a question, let them have it. Especially if the question was loaded from the jump. Why swim with them?! | ||
| Troy AALBC .com Platinum Poster Username: Troy Post Number: 1910 Registered: 01-2004 Rating: |
Carey it really is not all that complicated. The incorrect assumption I made was that you would be willing to give an honest response to my question. For example, I asked, do you tithe. You responded by giving me the mechanics of the process and avoided (again) answering the question. I'm not exactly sure what you mean by "loaded" question. But whatever meaning you ascribe to it, I'm pretty confident it has little to do with my motivation for posing the question. It is curious that my question about cleansing was responded to directly and without incident. However my question about church resulted in all this extra stuff. | ||
| Carey AALBC .com Platinum Poster Username: Carey Post Number: 2118 Registered: 05-2004 Rating: N/A |
You're right. This is like pulling teeth from a mad dog **snicker** But answer me this, what is playing the nutrole? Whatever your answer, you'll be sure to recieve 6 stars. | ||
| Carey AALBC .com Platinum Poster Username: Carey Post Number: 2123 Registered: 05-2004 Rating: N/A |
Tithing is giving of your time, talent and/or treasures. I might have been a little defensive. I couldn't read your jokes. I thought we may have been going places that the both of us should not go. For instance, one women said she didn't give money to the church except when she hit on the gambling boat. By her accounting system, she thought it was more than if she regularily gave the common opinion (sum) of what it means to tithe. |
