| Author | Message | ||
     Ferociouskitty Veteran Poster Username: Ferociouskitty Post Number: 757 Registered: 02-2008 Rating: N/A |
In addition to holding things down on his own popular blog, Carey is guest-blogging on my co-parenting site as part of our "Co-Parenting and Dating" series. Here's a link to part 2 of his story (with more parts to come), which includes a link to part 1: http://coparenting101.org/2009/06/18/co-parenting-and-dating-babymama-drama-not- your-typical-story-part-2/ Thanks again, Carey! | ||
| Troy AALBC .com Platinum Poster Username: Troy Post Number: 1838 Registered: 01-2004 Rating: |
Ferociouskitty, Carey's story was very interesting. "I was involved with two wonderful women that just happened to run into a guy like me." This quote was interesting. I often wonder if women took a little more time to get the know the guy they were messing with; the Carey type situations were not occur for two main reasons: (1) Given enough time, if a woman is looking, guys will reveal their true colors (i.e. is is married with a child), and (2) most dudes will move on to a more vulnerable targets if too much time or energy is required. The risk and problem good women face it that they can risk turning off quality dudes, who are serious, if they take too much time to convert. However during the time spent together if a Brother is serious and continues to get to know a Sister he will have little problem investing the time and energy required for a Sister to get to know him. Carey your story was deep; puts a little color behind the stats. What advice would you give women today to avoid getting involved (unknowingly) with men who have serious issues (especially those married with children!)? | ||
| Chrishayden "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Chrishayden Post Number: 7997 Registered: 03-2004 Rating: N/A |
I often wonder if women took a little more time to get the know the guy they were messing with; the Carey type situations were not occur for two main reasons: (How could you have been on this planet so long, been married, had two daughters and know so little about women? Here is the dirty little secret about women--they are just like men. They can walk into that auto showroom of romance and look over the sober sedans, the utilitarian vans, the sedate family type cars--next thing you know that Harley motorcycle or that Corvette Stingray got their eye and that subscription to Consumer Reports is wasted. Women like fast, exciting, sweet talking men men just like men like fast exciting fast talking women. There is nothing you can say or do to change this. The risk and problem good women face it that they can risk turning off quality dudes, who are serious, if they take too much time to convert (Quality dude? What is a quality dude? I suppose you mean a square, suit wearing, sobersides. Here is another dirty little secret--they are just as big a dog as the fast guys. Ever hear the saying, "It's the quiet ones you gotta watch?" I said it once, I'll say it again. Girls, all of us are dogs. Just try and make sure you wind up with a pedigree... | ||
| Chrishayden "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Chrishayden Post Number: 7999 Registered: 03-2004 Rating: N/A |
Wait a minute. Did I miss something? When did (S)carey get a blog? | ||
| Cynique "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Cynique Post Number: 13794 Registered: 01-2004 Rating: N/A |
I always find it amusing when a man thinks he's an expert on the true nature of women. First of all, there's a distinct difference between a woman and a girl. Girls don't know the score There are just making their way by trial an error. Woman are more savvy. Satisfying a man is simple, but satisfying a woman is difficult. A bad boy won't get past first base if he's a "slam-bam-thank-you-maam" lover, but a zero can become a hero if he can turn a woman out in the bed, inspiring her natural desire to groom a man who has potential. Just when men think they have women figured out, they are left bemused. I must say, Carey's a much more effective writer when he's dealing with the truth instead of trying to conjure up laughs by making up scenarios. | ||
| Carey AALBC .com Platinum Poster Username: Carey Post Number: 1945 Registered: 05-2004 Rating: N/A |
I read Cyniques post again. She dropped a lot of wisdom. A women is a unique gift. Only "that" woman can tell a person what qualities they desire in a man. "good" is subjective. It's not necessarily the clothes they wear or the money in their account. | ||
| Cynique "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Cynique Post Number: 13795 Registered: 01-2004 Rating: N/A |
Pregnancy always complicates the picture. If people would just use birth control, so many of their problems would not have arisen. But men never learn their lesson. They knock up one girl, then turn around and knock up another and then they're caught in the middle. | ||
| Carey AALBC .com Platinum Poster Username: Carey Post Number: 1947 Registered: 05-2004 Rating: N/A |
Chris, I don't know if you were kidding but here's the blog. Stop by and spread a little love. carrymehome.blogspot.com Cynique, you are correct, pregnancy DOES complicate the issue. Yet, I think it's important to say that it's not always the mans fault. Women will tell you that they are on the pill or are using an inner device. A man could even see the little pill thang sitting on the table and then learn that she "may have" forgot to take it. Lets be real, some women do not like the feel of condoms and THEY will say they are protected because the want the full sensation. Many women desire the warmth of the mans release. The blame can be a two way street. So the man is not always the "knocker upper". He's just doing what he's told :-). | ||
| Ferociouskitty Veteran Poster Username: Ferociouskitty Post Number: 758 Registered: 02-2008 Rating: |
**"I was involved with two wonderful women that just happened to run into a guy like me." This quote was interesting.** Troy, this was a stand-out line to me, as well. As Carey mentioned, my site is for co-parents but overwhelmingly the comments are from girlfriends aren't necessarily co-parenting, but they are with guys who have kids, and the new girlfriends have some problem with the "babymama" (or vice versa, or both). Based on what they share on the site, red flags are waving high, but many still want (me? someone? to offer) a glimmer a hope that they should hang on to these guys. Doesn't mean that they are "ho's" or "dumb", but in these cases, at the very least, their judgment is shaky. But when they ask my advice, I am happy that something in them (or maybe they are being nagged by someone in their lives?) is saying, "Hmm...maybe this isn't such a good idea...) From the site I have also observed how cycles start/get perpetuated. First, the new girlfriend is mad because the ex-girlfriend is "controlling" her man, i.e., "She won't let him see his kids if I'm around". Then, the new girlfriend gets pregnant...and so it goes (as Cynique would say). If I had to guess and make a blanket generalization about women choosing red-flag guys, I would say that it's because they would rather deal with this guy than be without a man; they confuse sex with love; they confuse regular sex with commitment; and/or they can't imagine anyone better coming along for them. One woman actually wrote about a guy with serious issues: "What would you do if it were you and this wonderful guy was more than you could ever ask for?" I told her she should ask for more. | ||
| Carey AALBC .com Platinum Poster Username: Carey Post Number: 1948 Registered: 05-2004 Rating: N/A |
In defense of "guys like me", I think Chris Hayden's post said a lot. That phrase shouldn't necessarily be looked at in a negative way. All I was saying is that they were attracted to me. I was not married and I was a good friend. Guys like me do not hit on women. Guys like me meet the parents of the woman he's involved with and has a drink with their fathers. Guys like me makes sure his women dresses good. Guys like me love to cook and loves to dance with his women. As I said, they just happen to run into a guy like me. "But Carey, guys like you had 2 families" You are correct. Guys unlike me have 3 ex-wives and 7 babies. Usher is getting divorced from his wife. She had 2 children before she married him. Billy Joel just got divorced (3rd time). It was said by Bing Crosby's kids that he was a terrible father. Bill Cosby had a baby by a women other than his wife, so did Dr. J. We all know about the President of the USA that pulled out his johnson in the white house. Not to mention the other president that had the blond sneaking up the back entrence. Who are these guys and who are these women? Are they "quality" guys? If not, when did they stop or start being "quality". What do we know about these people ...nothing. Good or bad, we know nothing. "But Carey, guys like you play with women's hearts" No, guys like me don't. Some men do know in advance that they are only seeking a short period of thrills. | ||
| Chrishayden "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Chrishayden Post Number: 8000 Registered: 03-2004 Rating: N/A |
Girls don't know the score There are just making their way by trial an error. (Maybe YOU didn't know the score when you were a girl, but, by the time they are 14 or so, some of them know almost all they will ever need to know about the score. The only things they don't know are about your more arcane perversions and how they can betray themselves. Haw! You came up in Mayberry. Y'all were still wearing hoop skirts and high button shoes in the 60's!) A bad boy won't get past first base (A bad boy can get all the way home just by being a bad boy and having all the other women wanting him. You know how competitive you women are! Can't handle the truth, eh? Figures!) A women is a unique gift. etc etc (You sound like you lifted your wisdom from Joe Simon records. Watch out for him, girls!) I was involved with two wonderful women that just happened to run into a guy like me (Carey was being a gentleman. I have often wondered how it is all these "good women" get hooked up with no good men. They ain't as good as they think they are!) "guys like me", (All guys are like you. All of them don't wind up in the same boat because of luck, good fortune, they are too shy, or they game ain't strong as yours. Watch out for him, girls! --another thing we guys do is block--) | ||
| Chrishayden "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Chrishayden Post Number: 8001 Registered: 03-2004 Rating: N/A |
God you women like to waste time wonderin and thinkin about Affairs of the Heart. You ought to be like me--concentrating on healing motherfuckers and casting out demons and shit! | ||
| Carey AALBC .com Platinum Poster Username: Carey Post Number: 1949 Registered: 05-2004 Rating: N/A |
Chris wrote: "I have often wondered how it is all these "good women" get hooked up with no good men. They ain't as good as they think they are!" That was sort of my point, Chris. As much as I get tired of women being labeled, I've grown increasingly tired of the lame "good girl meets bad guy" As your so elequently said to Troy, who defines "good". I couldn't believe these bits of wisdom from Troy ..... Troy wrote: " most dudes will move on to a more vulnerable targets if too much time or energy is required. The risk and problem good women face it that they can risk turning off quality dudes, who are serious, if they take too much time to convert. However during the time spent together if a Brother is serious and continues to get to know a Sister he will have little problem investing the time and energy required for a Sister to get to know him " Who is Troy talking about? What's this "most dudes will move on to vulnerable targets if too much time to convert" Trying to convert to what?! AND serious at what?! AND! ....turning off quality dudes?!? Some people need to stay in the book selling game and stay away from the emotions game. Everybody can't play, even if they think they can. Stop blocking, Chris *lol* | ||
| Chrishayden "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Chrishayden Post Number: 8004 Registered: 03-2004 Rating: N/A |
most dudes will move on to a more vulnerable targets if too much time or energy is required. ("I find the opposite. I find that if most dudes get their nose open for a gal they will pursue her to the ends of the earth." In fact the more she turns him off the more he wants to make her his-- Even if he gives up and goes with somebody else, he will carry a torch for her forever-- Look at Frank Sinatra and Ava Gardner-- This guy I know carried a torch for this gal about 40 years ago. They both married somebody else. They split up with them about 2 years ago and got together. | ||
| Cynique "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Cynique Post Number: 13796 Registered: 01-2004 Rating: N/A |
Because these 3 different POVS expressed on the subject of women all contain elements of truth, it just goes to show that women are unpredictable and that what applies to one does not define another. Chrishayden rants about how woman are hungry for good sex as much as men are but fails to reach the obvious conclusion that if a man ain't satisfying a woman with a healthy sexual appetite, then he's disposable. Women have very pragmatic psyches. It's just lucky for men that a woman's sex organ is her brain because if she deferred to her twat, the average man would be a reject. Chrishayden tries to obfuscate his desperate rationales by creating far-fetched similes about people in "Mayberry" wearing hoop skirts in the 1960s; lame. If we were to make metaphors about ol crissy's performance on this board, we'd have to relegate him to the premature ejaculator category, a rabid pooch out of control, - a dud instead of a rocket. Black men complain that strong women are intimidating turn-offs. But what they really are afraid of is a black woman who expects a man to be strong. And of course men equate being strong with being physically abusive. | ||
| Carey AALBC .com Platinum Poster Username: Carey Post Number: 1952 Registered: 05-2004 Rating: N/A |
I think this is the best remarks made on this subject. Cynique wrote: :Because these 3 different POVS expressed on the subject of women all contain elements of truth, it just goes to show that women are unpredictable and that what applies to one does not define another" That's why I agreed to guest blog at Kitty's blogspot. As Kitty mentioned, much of the complaints of co-parenting comes about from the interactions with the new-wife/new girlfriend/new husband/new boyfriend and even in many case, the extended "new" family. Frequently these individuals are first attracted to the women/man of the child (not the child) and they then fall into a co-parenting relationship. Given the problems we've all voiced about finding a compatible mate, Co-parenting is that and a whole lot more. In my story, I've tried to honestly show the mistakes I've made in being a co-parent. I knew I'd take a few hits. More importantly, as the story continues, I will try to address the issues/difficulties of the "other" person ...the new mate or the mate that is not the biological parent. | ||
| Yvettep AALBC .com Platinum Poster Username: Yvettep Post Number: 3561 Registered: 01-2005 Rating: N/A |
I have been meaning to comment on your series over @ FK's spot, Carey. I still plan to as soon as I collect my thoughts. Short version: Very well done. | ||
| Carey AALBC .com Platinum Poster Username: Carey Post Number: 1955 Registered: 05-2004 Rating: N/A |
Thanks Yvettep and thank you Kitty for letting me do my thang in your house. That was work and it brought back a lot of memories, most good, some bad. Holler when you need your yard racked. I'll try to find you someone that's young enough to do that :-). Btw ...@ Troy ...color beind the stats??? | ||
| Chrishayden "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Chrishayden Post Number: 8007 Registered: 03-2004 Rating: N/A |
Chrishayden rants about how woman are hungry for good sex as much as men are but fails to reach the obvious conclusion that if a man ain't satisfying a woman with a healthy sexual appetite, then he's disposable. "It was not a rant. It was stating an obvious fact which runs in contravention to our usual Victorian image of women as largely sexless, fainting creatures. You have an important point here though-well two actually--the other is on top of your head. Once a man realizes a truth--a man is lucky to have two good organisms in a night a a woman can have a limitless number--that he can have sex with a handful of women and a woman can have limitless partners--I think the record is about 150?--then he must realize it ain't just that that is gonna keep her around. Mostly its money." If we were to make metaphors about ol crissy's performance on this board, we'd have to relegate him to the premature ejaculator category, a rabid pooch out of control, - a dud instead of a rocket. "I haven't had any complaints" Black men complain that strong women are intimidating turn-offs. "SOME black men undoubtedly do. All don't. So your statement is false. Careful, Cynique. The heat..." | ||
| Troy AALBC .com Platinum Poster Username: Troy Post Number: 1841 Registered: 01-2004 Rating: N/A |
Carey, "color beind the stats???" Sorry I was not clear. Our society lumps divorces, out of wed lock pregnancy, incarceration, high school drop out rates, drug use, all of our social ills into numbers, statistics. The statistics while useful for identifying trends, don't tell you anything about the cause of any of the social ills that we look at. If 70% of Black marriages fail what does that tell you? Behind each divorce, for example, is a human story. A story of pain, struggle. As story which gives some "color beind the stats", some meaning. I think these stories are be a much more effective deterrent for a young person to avoid the behavior of making babies all over the place, for example, that simply quoting the statistic. | ||
| Cynique "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Cynique Post Number: 13799 Registered: 01-2004 Rating: N/A |
Speak for yourself chrishayden when you refer to the victorian misconception about women. Nobody nowadays thinks that. Everybody but you and your out-of-touch self knows women appreciate great sex. And your feeble analogy about a man having 2 orgasm a night and a woman having many is BS. Yes, A woman can have sex with any number of men in a period of time, but whether or not she is achieving orgasm is another thing. It's not about having a bunch of sex partners, it's about having one GOOD LOVER. Dummy. And, unlike you, there are a lot of young virile studs who can have more than 2 orgasms in a night of making love. | ||
| Carey AALBC .com Platinum Poster Username: Carey Post Number: 1963 Registered: 05-2004 Rating: N/A |
Yeah Troy, there's always a different story behind a stat. Like you, many have said my stories could be a deterent to othesr to avoid similar fates. But I've always questioned that sentiment. As we both agree, the story is never the same so the curcumstances leading to the "acts" are never the same. It gets even deeper. Many times we do not know we are in a storm until we try to get out. That's a fact. Then the problem grows because we don't know how to get out. It's deep, Troy. Many use the word "inspiration". I doubt if that word means change. I can be inspired by listening to a story but does change follow that inspiration? | ||
| Ferociouskitty Veteran Poster Username: Ferociouskitty Post Number: 760 Registered: 02-2008 Rating: N/A |
@ Carey...You're welcome, and the appreciation is mutual! I got a young man to rake my yard...now, shoveling snow? We can talk about that... ;-) | ||
| Carey AALBC .com Platinum Poster Username: Carey Post Number: 1964 Registered: 05-2004 Rating: N/A |
The story continues. Ferociouskitty has granted me permission to post a link to the rest of the story. http://coparenting101.org/ She's also done a wonderful job of editing my piece. The breaks and transitions are for the most part, hers. There's a part about "Debbie" dropping the gun to her side and then her head. Kitty gave that a better visual image. Drop by and check out her blog. The topics of discussion are huge. By visiting her blog, I have a lot more understanding and respect for parents that have to raise children in an environment that is not your typical all american family story. | ||
| Ferociouskitty Veteran Poster Username: Ferociouskitty Post Number: 762 Registered: 02-2008 Rating: N/A |
Thanks, Carey. You're great editing practice for me in that the challenge is to tighten what needs to be tightened without changing the story or the all-important unique voice. I have a new respect for the wonderful folks who have edited/will edit my writing. Editing is like having someone hand you their baby, and you have to point out that while the baby is a bit funny-looking, she is still very precious. But of course you can't do anything about a funny-looking baby, so the comparison ends there... ;-) |
