| Author | Message | ||
     Troy AALBC .com Platinum Poster Username: Troy Post Number: 1732 Registered: 01-2004 Rating: N/A |
This book caught my eye today...  I Didn't Work This Hard Just to Get Married: Successful Single Black Women Speak Out Women once saw living single as a transitional period--singles marked time till they found “the one.” But now marriage is the transitional stage, connecting one unmarried period of life to another. In I Didn’t Work This Hard Just to Get Married, through lively and revealing interviews with women from various walks of life, Nika C. Beamon explores the challenges facing single black women who defy expectations. They candidly discuss aging without a man and reevaluate dating, single homeownership, career, children, and caring for aged parents. The book speaks directly to the black woman’s experience, addressing challenges such as income discrepancies between genders, the high rate of male incarceration, and the Baby Mama Syndrome. Written in the best tradition of women talking to women, and girlfriend to girlfriend, the book delivers tales of lessons learned, hard times and good times, told by women who found ways to achieve their dreams by defying convention. | ||
| Troy AALBC .com Platinum Poster Username: Troy Post Number: 1733 Registered: 01-2004 Rating: N/A |
Pretty soon, married women will be looked down upon as relics of a ancient and backward period in our history; throwbacks from a bygone era, to be pitied and reviled. The few remaing women looking for a man to share their lives with, and raise children with, will do so in secrecy afraid to be outted as someone who succumbs to their own primative desire to form a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. But of course this will seem nautral as men, (Black) no longer apply to college or graduate high school in any significant numbers, would only be needed to provide the semen to artifically inseminate women... ... am I being too cynical or is this a consequence of a trend here? Pretty much everyone agrees Black men barely holding on in a hostile educational and cultural environment. Why shouldn't women, in mass, start "defying convention" and learn to live, thrive and be happy without Black men. | ||
| Abm "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Abm Post Number: 10282 Registered: 04-2004 Rating: N/A |
Troy, I will go you one step further to add that within 2 or 3 generations MOST Black women will for much if not most of their lives live either as lesbians or bisexual and that will be very much accepted if not the PREFERRED form of sexuality and intimacy amongst Black women. Oh, and once some genius come up with a way to reproduce sans sperm, us male kneegrows are DOOMED. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! | ||
| Cynique "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Cynique Post Number: 13607 Registered: 01-2004 Rating: N/A |
America and its time-worn traditions are evolving, morphing and changing.  The nation, as we know it, is gradually passing, on its way to being reincarnated into a whole new ball of wax. This is why I think computers replacing teachers is not that inconceivable.  I haven't read this book, but I wouldn't be surprised if some of these independent woman allude to the idea of vibrators replacing lovers.  | ||
| Ferociouskitty Veteran Poster Username: Ferociouskitty Post Number: 688 Registered: 02-2008 Rating: N/A |
Well, as someone who is recently engaged to be married for the second time...I sit on the fence. Obviously, I'm cool with marriage, but at the same time, I don't understand the "badge"--good or bad--that it represents for so many women, black and white. When I was newly separated/divorced and trying the dating thing, men were surprised that I wasn't clamoring to get married again; seems most black women they met were. My good girlfriends (married and not) tend to have the same attitude towards marriage that I do, so I think I'll check this book out as this isn't a perspective I've heard. | ||
| Ferociouskitty Veteran Poster Username: Ferociouskitty Post Number: 689 Registered: 02-2008 Rating: N/A |
Troy: Fyi, the link above doesn't work. Cynique: There's at least one researcher out there that's predicting sex with robots in the not-too-distant future. :-) | ||
| Ferociouskitty Veteran Poster Username: Ferociouskitty Post Number: 690 Registered: 02-2008 Rating: |
Why shouldn't women, in mass, start "defying convention" and learn to live, thrive and be happy without Black men. No argument from me on that. People should be able to be happy, married or not. However...the title does imply that women are somehow throwing away all their hard work (?) if they get married. That I don't understand. Isn't it possible to embrace your choice/circumstance and feel empowered in it, without knocking someone else's? It reminds me of those stupid, media-fueled "mommy wars". If I want to stay home with my kids, why do I have to put down working-outside-the-home moms to affirm my decision? Or vice versa? Same with interracial dating. Kills me when people say, "I only date white women [or men] because black women [or men] are <insert>." Why not just make your choice, without denigrating others? In fairness, I don't know if this book is doing all that, but that's what came to mind. | ||
| Ferociouskitty Veteran Poster Username: Ferociouskitty Post Number: 691 Registered: 02-2008 Rating: N/A |
That should have read: *insert your favorite stereotype here* | ||
| Cynique "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Cynique Post Number: 13610 Registered: 01-2004 Rating: N/A |
Sexual androids created to specifications, is what I could really get excited about, FK.  And while I'm at it, a pill to reverse age and extend life would make it all worth while. | ||
| Ferociouskitty Veteran Poster Username: Ferociouskitty Post Number: 692 Registered: 02-2008 Rating: N/A |
Sexual androids created to specifications... Cynique, I see you surrounded by beakers and potions in your mad-scientist lab coat, cackling hysterically over your latest creation... * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *wait for it* * * * ** * D*ckenstein!!!! **crack of lightning, crash of thunder** | ||
| Cynique "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Cynique Post Number: 13611 Registered: 01-2004 Rating: N/A |
 Come on, FK. No way. I wouldn't a want a monster! I'd want a "hunk" who looks and acts human but, like The Terminator", is a programmed robot.  | ||
| Ferociouskitty Veteran Poster Username: Ferociouskitty Post Number: 694 Registered: 02-2008 Rating: N/A |
...a programmed robot who is a "monster" in bed...or, um, wherever. LOLOLOL! | ||
| Abm "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Abm Post Number: 10285 Registered: 04-2004 Rating: N/A |
FK, I suppose it depends on the environs in which one circulates. But I SELDOM get the impression that most Black foks – male and female – these days feel some great undue and unfair pressure to marry. Frankly, the only serious combatants of the "mommy wars" I have witnessed are bored, bourgeois White women. And if Black foks are feeling any sort of angst about not being able to live happily ever after sans spouses, then such is surprisingly NOT being reflected in our rates of marriage, divorce and out-of-wedlock childrearing. No. For better or worse, the Black foks I see appear quite 'post-marital' in their thoughts and behavior. And while I lament our children – especially our Black BOYS – are the worser for our current state of intimate and familial affairs, I expect the divides between Black men and women will only widen and deepen. | ||
| Yvettep AALBC .com Platinum Poster Username: Yvettep Post Number: 3490 Registered: 01-2005 Rating: N/A |
as someone who is recently engaged to be married Um, hello Thumper's Corner: I believe some congratulations are in order? FK is being very tight-lipped about next plans. FOr instance, no word yet on whether or not this means she will give up her shoe-buying fetish  | ||
| Cagedbird Regular Poster Username: Cagedbird Post Number: 94 Registered: 02-2004 Rating: N/A |
Congrats Yvettep! I will try 2 find my engagement poem I wrote & post it next week & dedicate it 2 you, peace. | ||
| Ferociouskitty Veteran Poster Username: Ferociouskitty Post Number: 696 Registered: 02-2008 Rating: N/A |
Frankly, the only serious combatants of the "mommy wars" I have witnessed are bored, bourgeois White women. Yeah. I wrote about that. ;-) http://bitchmagazine.org/article/aint-i-a-mommy FK is being very tight-lipped about next plans. FOr instance, no word yet on whether or not this means she will give up her shoe-buying fetish Probably, lol. But not because I'm getting married. The shoe fetish seems to have run its course with me; I just don't get as excited about shoes as I used to. I think I was making up for lost time, for all those years when I was a shoe-nerd. ;-) But now it's out of my system. As far as plans...a private ceremony, just the two us and our daughter-brood on a beach. The two 10-year-olds will play their violins. TThe other girls will make their special mark on the ceremony somehow--I'm sure it will involve the color pink. That's all I got for now! ;-) | ||
| Yvettep AALBC .com Platinum Poster Username: Yvettep Post Number: 3491 Registered: 01-2005 Rating: N/A |
Nononono, Cagedbird--that's Ferociouskitty who is engaged, not me! (Girl, you gonna get me in trouble! LOL) | ||
| Yvettep AALBC .com Platinum Poster Username: Yvettep Post Number: 3492 Registered: 01-2005 Rating: N/A |
FK: Awwwwwwwwww! *sniffsniff* How sweet! ANd re: "just the two us and our daughter-brood on a beach"--guess that's your way of telling me my a** ain't invited! LOL Seriously, it will be lovely and I am happy for the two of you and all your wonderful girls. | ||
| Cynique "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Cynique Post Number: 13612 Registered: 01-2004 Rating: N/A |
How did I not pursue your statement about recently becoming engaged, YK???? No wonder you were so focused on the idea of a "dickenstein monster" in the bed!  Seriously, congrats to you and your "intended". I wish you well! And I agree it's not that single black woman don't want to get married; it's that they can't find anyone suitable to wed so they just resign themselves to making the best of the situation. | ||
| Ferociouskitty Veteran Poster Username: Ferociouskitty Post Number: 697 Registered: 02-2008 Rating: N/A |
LOL, and thanks, Yvette. Yeah, we haven't broken the news to several friends of ours who, upon hearing the news, said, "Wherever y'all have it, we're there!" But folks will understand. Plus, we plan to throw some informal, old-school parties locally in the weeks following, and call it a reception. ;-) We looked at traditional hotel receptions, but we just couldn't justify the expense. Too many folks need to go to college in the years to come, not to mention a couple of them are in private school right now. D*mn, I feel like we have a girls' basketball team or something, lol! | ||
| Ferociouskitty Veteran Poster Username: Ferociouskitty Post Number: 698 Registered: 02-2008 Rating: N/A |
Thanks, Cynique! You mentioned black women not being able to find anyone suitable...this reminds me of an Atlantic Monthly article from last year. It was written by a white woman who is making a case for settling. Do you think she's being cynical, or realistic? I wonder how this article would have been received if it had been penned by a black woman. Here's the link and an excerpt: http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200803/single-marry "Whether you acknowledge it or not, there’s good reason to worry. By the time 35th-birthday-brunch celebrations roll around for still-single women, serious, irreversible life issues masquerading as “jokes” creep into public conversation: Well, I don’t feel old, but my eggs sure do! or Maybe this year I’ll marry Todd. I’m not getting any younger! The birthday girl smiles a bit too widely as she delivers these lines, and everyone laughs a little too hard for a little too long, not because we find these sentiments funny, but because we’re awkwardly acknowledging how unfunny they are. At their core, they pose one of the most complicated, painful, and pervasive dilemmas many single women are forced to grapple with nowadays: Is it better to be alone, or to settle? "My advice is this: Settle! That’s right. Don’t worry about passion or intense connection. Don’t nix a guy based on his annoying habit of yelling “Bravo!” in movie theaters. Overlook his halitosis or abysmal sense of aesthetics. Because if you want to have the infrastructure in place to have a family, settling is the way to go. Based on my observations, in fact, settling will probably make you happier in the long run, since many of those who marry with great expectations become more disillusioned with each passing year. (It’s hard to maintain that level of zing when the conversation morphs into discussions about who’s changing the diapers or balancing the checkbook.)" | ||
| Cynique "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Cynique Post Number: 13614 Registered: 01-2004 Rating: |
And the sad thing is that all of these finicky women holding out for their dream man never seem to consider that they may not measure up to what their dream man wants. After a failed college romance that had sent me to the moon, I was not madly in love when I ended up marrying someone else. But back in the 50s there was family and peer pressure to tie the knot before age 25 because that was what young women were expected to do and I wasn't about to end up an old maid. What endeared my husband to me over the years was not that he was predictable but that he was unpredictable. He kept me on my toes, regularly amazing me with how in spite of being quixotic, he aways managed to land on his feet. He was not perfect but he always had my back. Plus, he was easy on the eyes. And he had a sense of humor. My guy died one month after our wedding anniversary, and when I looked down in the casket at the man I had been married to for 50 years, I was once again amazed that, altho he hadn't landed on his feet, in repose, the ravages of illness had fallen away and he looked like his normal self, like he might open his mouth and make a wise crack. As I stood there for a long silent moment, swallowing back my tears, how sorry I was that I hadn't been more forth coming in saying those 3 little words.. I love you.  I recently had a dream about my husband that was so vivid it was, well, - amazing! (Many survivors report having such a dream, where a loved one appears to them, looking the way they did in their prime, all happy and healthy.) In this dream, I kept squeezing my husband's muscular arm, asking: "are you dead, or what?" All I can remember further was him raising a quizzical eyebrow before rolling over, saying it was late and he was sleepy, something he always did when I wanted to end the day with a litany of complaints about what was currently buggin me... Well, folks, who needs a blog when you can come to "Thumpers Corner" and bore people, rambling on and on about yourself.  | ||
| Ferociouskitty Veteran Poster Username: Ferociouskitty Post Number: 699 Registered: 02-2008 Rating: |
Cynique, if that's rambling, then ramble on my sister, ramble on. I liked that glimpse into your life. With my soon-to-be-second husband, there were things that bugged me in the beginning of us getting serious (and for sure, there were and are things that bug him about me!). Not huge things, but I tried to go down that finicky path too. But a good girlfriend of mine--who has been through the equivalent of war and land mines when it comes to love--pulled me aside and set me straight. After listening to me whine, she finally said, "Are you happy?" I replied without hesitation: "Yes." "Then stick with him and be happy," she said. "How many people get to be happy?" Of course she's right. And yeah, a sense of humor and always having my back go a really long way. ;-) | ||
| Yvettep AALBC .com Platinum Poster Username: Yvettep Post Number: 3494 Registered: 01-2005 Rating: N/A |
Cynique that was luminous. | ||
| Robynmarie Veteran Poster Username: Robynmarie Post Number: 909 Registered: 04-2006 Rating: |
I don't get why black women would think working for white men is better than having a husband? Not sayin everyone has to be wed, but I know some women treat their bosses a lot better than they treat their men. Why is that? | ||
| Chrishayden "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Chrishayden Post Number: 7863 Registered: 03-2004 Rating: N/A |
Pretty much everyone agrees Black men barely holding on in a hostile educational and cultural environment. Why shouldn't women, in mass, start "defying convention" and learn to live, thrive and be happy without Black men. (Aren't you the same man who had a fit when we criticized Bill Cosby for speaking out against this thing? Funny, I look at big time white folks, they all come from families, even if they are only pieces of families. The white man has sold this "make it on your own" idea not only to blacks, but lower class whites and such other groups that will buy it so they can have a ready supply of mammies. You know the Hattie McDaniel role. Running the kitchen. Saving the massa. So then all these single women have all these gangbangers cuz they can't or won't control their young men when they grow to adolescence. And what can they tell their daughters since they have set no example. If they wish to remain single and childless I have no problem. Lots of them are gay anyway and are being on the fence about it. I am 60 years old. It no longer troubles me. As the Mafia chieftain sniffed about Black people in "The Godfather"--the colored are animals anyway. Let them lose their souls. | ||
| Cynique "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Cynique Post Number: 13616 Registered: 01-2004 Rating: |
You have interesting things to say, Chrishayden. It's too bad you never supply a frame of reference and quotation marks so it will be easier for readers to figure out which are your comments and who it is that you are are responding to. You always assume that we are automatically on your wave length. | ||
| Chrishayden "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Chrishayden Post Number: 7867 Registered: 03-2004 Rating: N/A |
You always assume that we are automatically on your wave length. (It is because you are all such GENIUSES! I have faith in your power even if you don't!) | ||
| Abm "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Abm Post Number: 10286 Registered: 04-2004 Rating: |
Robynmarie: "I don't get why black women would think working for white men is better than having a husband...I know some women treat their bosses a lot better than they treat their men. Why is that?" That's cause some sistas are enamored with White guys giving them paychecks that they (usually) don't have to bone Ofay for (unless, of course, those sistas want bonuses and extra paid leave days). | ||
| Abm "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Abm Post Number: 10288 Registered: 04-2004 Rating: N/A |
FK, I read your article. It is a wonderfully rendered treatise on the fallacious "Mommy Wars" Wealthy White women have allegedly engaged in recent years. My how it must make for some real good living to have the freedom to be ambivalent about whether one should work a high paid gig or be a pampered stay-at-home/soccer mom. The contrasts you draw between BW and WW over the centuries are both enlightening and reminiscent. So much for the fool notion perpetrated by White feminists of some sort of seamless sisterhood of ALL women. And I really dig the rather pointed jabs you take at that of which you are a polemic. I mean, I'm not even sure WTF it means for a typical "Mommy Book" to qualify as being "navel gazing". Yet I am quite certain I would NOT want something I had written to qualify as such. Btw: Considering that you consented to publishing your article in a magazine titled B!TCH, does that mean one may personally refer to you as being one of such? *snicker* | ||
| Ferociouskitty Veteran Poster Username: Ferociouskitty Post Number: 700 Registered: 02-2008 Rating: N/A |
Btw: Considering that you consented to publishing your article in a magazine titled B!TCH, does that mean one may personally refer to you as being one of such? Sure. In fact, starting Monday, I have a two-month blogging gig over there. I'm "The ••••• in Black"...look for me! :-) | ||
| Carey AALBC .com Platinum Poster Username: Carey Post Number: 1835 Registered: 05-2004 Rating: N/A |
Fk: "Sure. In fact, starting Monday, I have a two-month blogging gig over there. I'm "The ••••• in Black"...look for me! :-)" Be careful what you ask for ...you ol'black ***** *lol* | ||
| Ferociouskitty Veteran Poster Username: Ferociouskitty Post Number: 701 Registered: 02-2008 Rating: N/A |
^ Unh-huh...how long have you been waiting to say that, Cary! LOL...you get two months, and that's it! | ||
| Abm "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Abm Post Number: 10289 Registered: 04-2004 Rating: N/A |
FK, Will do. I will look for Ferociouskitty a.k.a the Black B*tch. Oh. You said "The B*tch in Black." My bad. | ||
| Robynmarie Veteran Poster Username: Robynmarie Post Number: 910 Registered: 04-2006 Rating: N/A |
Abm, ITA. | ||
| Chrishayden "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Chrishayden Post Number: 7873 Registered: 03-2004 Rating: N/A |
Robynmarie: "I don't get why black women would think working for white men is better than having a husband...I know some women treat their bosses a lot better than they treat their men. Why is that?" That's cause some sistas are enamored with White guys giving them paychecks that they (usually) don't have to bone Ofay for (unless, of course, those sistas want bonuses and extra paid leave days). (*****I don't think so. Let us realize that there ARE sisters for whom married life is an impermissible intrusion. With any sex person. And theses sistahs, though I got no evidence but anecdotal--are tough and capable and hard headed enough to handle their own affairs. Nobody should be advocating that such sistahs be forced into arrangements--with ANY one of ANY sex--that they do not want to do. There are those for whom singular is best--that a traditional marriage would destroy and restrict a great talent. That said, I think ANYONE would do well thinking hard and long about trying to make this life's journey alone--but it can be done. It may just be that biologically more and more women are growing away from that situation. Economically, too. I mean, say like Beyonce she should get her some multi millionaire at least. Nothing else would make sense. No real man could succumb to being Mr. Beyonce for long. I think if there are children involved there will be problems--ie using the man as just a sperm bank. | ||
| Robynmarie Veteran Poster Username: Robynmarie Post Number: 911 Registered: 04-2006 Rating: N/A |
CH I think there are millions of men of all races who would be "Mr. Beyonce" with no problem. Okay, if a woman doesn't want to be married, obviously. But a person a lot wiser than I said a good marriage is what the two parties involved make it. Maybe trying to adhere to society's conventions and norms is why folks shy away from marriage? I will have to read this book for its catchy title alone. From my pov it is a subtle or not so subtle putdown of black men. | ||
| Ferociouskitty Veteran Poster Username: Ferociouskitty Post Number: 702 Registered: 02-2008 Rating: N/A |
There are those for whom singular is best--that a traditional marriage would destroy and restrict a great talent. I agree. Also, I don't think there's anything wrong with marriage as an institution; it's just not for everybody, and it doesn't work for particular combinations of people at particular times/phases in their lives. I'm always fascinated by stories of people who divorce only to remarry each other decades later and have it work the second time around. | ||
| Abm "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Abm Post Number: 10290 Registered: 04-2004 Rating: |
If you're not going to have children, then perhaps in MANY instances its better one never marries. But if you're going to reproduce, you should marry. Because if you make kids sans marriage, you're putting the kids under some serious disadvantages. Especially if the kids are Black...and male. | ||
| Troy AALBC .com Platinum Poster Username: Troy Post Number: 1736 Registered: 01-2004 Rating: N/A |
The URL for the book is http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1556528191/ref=nosim/aalbccom-20 though, I sure anyone looking for it would have found it with no problem. Cynique, the post from Thursday, April 02, 2009 - 04:55 pm was beautiful. Ferociouskitty congratulations! Sounds like you picked a winner, never forget to always appreciate him. That does not mean always agree, but always appreciate. Chrishayden, I was being somewhat sarcastic with my initial comment. Besides, I since rethought the Bill Cosby comments and believe that his harsh critisms completely ignore the conidtions that brought about the state of our Black youth. Plus the public manner in which he chastizes our young Black men does not seem to come from a position of love. | ||
| Chrishayden "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Chrishayden Post Number: 7876 Registered: 03-2004 Rating: N/A |
CH I think there are millions of men of all races who would be "Mr. Beyonce" with no problem. (I said MEN not EUNUCHS! Check your dictionary if you don't know the difference) Maybe trying to adhere to society's conventions and norms is why folks shy away from marriage? (Face it, in a world where you can support yourself--ie we are not hunter gatherers or farmers. We don't need many hands--it is probably socially obsolete. Biologically? The jury is out) Besides, I since rethought the Bill Cosby comments and believe that his harsh critisms completely ignore the conidtions that brought about the state of our Black youth. Plus the public manner in which he chastizes our young Black men does not seem to come from a position of love. (Troy. You have an open mind and you are willing to re evaluate--the mark of true genius. I salute you. If Cos had come out and apologized I'd be willing to give him a pass. He was under a lot of stress, and unable to let go of the fake 'Mr.Dad Jello Puddin Pop" image--I suppose he'd grown to love it. He was not the man to bring the message. And the place and time was inappropriate. And if he'd said so and admitted it and apologized I wouldn't have any qualms. Apparently he, like lots of Americans is incpable of admitting error. Maybe his lawyers counseled him against it.) | ||
| Ferociouskitty Veteran Poster Username: Ferociouskitty Post Number: 703 Registered: 02-2008 Rating: N/A |
Ferociouskitty congratulations! Sounds like you picked a winner, never forget to always appreciate him. That does not mean always agree, but always appreciate. Thanks, Troy. He is indeed a winner, and your advice is spot on. You almost got to meet him in Antigua. We still have the airline credit for that trip, and we are using it this summer (had to within a year of when we booked the Antigua trip), but alas, not to Antigua. I'm still mad we missed that great event, and the opportunity to meet you! Next time... | ||
| Cynique "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Cynique Post Number: 13619 Registered: 01-2004 Rating: N/A |
The first thing people always say about marriage is that you have to really work at it to make it successful. Complete dedication and total commitment also go along with the territory. And of course, you have to sacrifice for your kids and always put their needs first. Does this sound like fun? My advice is if you're looking for a carefree life, skip the domestic thing. | ||
| Chrishayden "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Chrishayden Post Number: 7881 Registered: 03-2004 Rating: N/A |
The first thing people always say about marriage is that you have to really work at it to make it successful. Complete dedication and total commitment also go along with the territory. And of course, you have to sacrifice for your kids and always put their needs first. Does this sound like fun? My advice is if you're looking for a carefree life, skip the domestic thing. (Lord, you can take me now. I have been praying to you lo these many years that Cynique would start laying wisdom like this on the Web. My rheumy old eyes are so filled with tears of joy I can hardly see! Jesus! I'm comin to be with ya up yonda!) | ||
| Troy AALBC .com Platinum Poster Username: Troy Post Number: 1738 Registered: 01-2004 Rating: N/A |
FOTFLMAO!! Chris seek help. Cynique, actually it can be fun and often is. Like anything it is not really a sacrifice if you enjoy doing it and reap then resulting benefits -- but I know you know this to be true, having read your writings for a several years. We also know married folks live longer than the "carefree" single ones. This I say for the impressionable young minds lurking here... | ||
| Ferociouskitty Veteran Poster Username: Ferociouskitty Post Number: 704 Registered: 02-2008 Rating: N/A |
A third alternative is to lead a double life. :-) This is what my fiance and I did before any of the kids knew about us dating, and we will continue to have our kid-free weekends twice a month, and a couple of full weeks and long weekends during the year. Pure grown up time, pure bliss. It really is easy, if you aren't careful, to lose yourself in children and/or to let the marriage succumb to the doldrums (or worse). | ||
| Cynique "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Cynique Post Number: 13623 Registered: 01-2004 Rating: N/A |
I don't want to put the total kabosch on marriage. It can be a rewarding experience when 2 compatible people are matched up and are successful at compromising their way to a warm steady relationship where money problems are amicably resolved. But we also have to acknowledge how many marriages end in divorce, and that it's not married couples who live longer it's married men who do; possibly because being the head of a houshold makes them feel more needed. Children are, of course, the lights of our lives, but they can also play a role in the break up of a marriage when their demands are catered to at the expense of spousal neglect. Now, excuse me while I go back to looking in the mirror and seeing Oprah's face staring back at me. This is such an empowering experience! | ||
| Carey AALBC .com Platinum Poster Username: Carey Post Number: 1843 Registered: 05-2004 Rating: |
I knew I'd seen your face before, Cynique . When it's all said and done ...it's cheaper to keep her. There's nothing like the bond of a marriage. A life without kids and a family would seem to be void of the basic elements of real love. Yes, the strains of being mommy, daddy, husband and wife can get one down, but ...A BIG BUT ...it's gonna be alright in the morning. | ||
| Ntfs_encryption "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Ntfs_encryption Post Number: 3588 Registered: 10-2005 Rating: N/A |
"... am I being too cynical or is this a consequence of a trend here?" No. You're hit the nail on the head...... | ||
| Ntfs_encryption "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Ntfs_encryption Post Number: 3589 Registered: 10-2005 Rating: N/A |
"And while I lament our children – especially our Black BOYS – are the worser for our current state of intimate and familial affairs, I expect the divides between Black men and women will only widen and deepen." Ya got that right! The baby-mama-drama-culture is the terminal cancer of black America and its affects are being acted out every single day. Too bad, too sad....... | ||
| Abm "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Abm Post Number: 10292 Registered: 04-2004 Rating: N/A |
Ntfs, Well, here's the thing, though, bruh: No babyDADDY. No babyMAMA. |
