| Author | Message | ||
     Beautifulwaterstar Rating: N/A |
Get it Together (Freestylin') King, You need me just as much as I need you They feed you Lies- they feed me lies, too Trying their best to make me despise you Ain't nobody payin' attention to them pink guys YOU And you alone have eyes that can view my pecan brown thighs And they open only for you You think that I alone could birth a nation? No, immaculate conception was our clean thought, pure creation These 'other' guys figured They would fix "my" nigguh And so they beat you and hung you like hammocks from a tree Right in FRONT of me, Right in front of your whole family Tried to say,"Look, Nigra Winch, this is WHITE POWER, FEAR IT!" But whatever, they could not break your spirit And yes, me and the other sistaz sang,"Sweet Jesus, come on through" All while consencrating ancestral energy through our "obedient church nigra" hymns.. My ancestors vieled in their queer looking saviors, tis true. I held you down, kept you grounded Nurtured your pride, The weight of the world was felt on our shoulders and on the inside We cried Together, scared but hopeful for our children at the same time As they were born into the raping of their spirits and minds But we held on, Brother.. Yes, we held on, Brother And it was so real, because we supported each other Just think, In those conditions, we still managed to remain true I'll never, ever abandon you In your ears, the lilly white woman tells you all she has to offer And in my ears, the driven snow man tells me I should slaughter Your ego with my words Or if all else fails, through his court system Well listen Never will I sell you out NEVER! That's the whole point, they do not want us together Because "together" = "unity" "Together", we could heal the community "Together" we could relink the energy of the drum via hiphop changing the whole game, changing the nation "Together" we could huff, puff, and blow down their civiLIEzation "Together" through our healing, We would innerstand the black on black killing Is only their plan Yes, "Together", we would innerstand that they don't "want" us to innerstand Oh pale sinnerman Where you gonna run to When me and my king get it together again, when we come to Our senses, We sistaz will innerstand there is much strength in our menses When my king and I get it together again, What we have will be unbreakable You always gonna have some that fake but yo When me, THE BLACK WOMAN And me, the BLACK MAN Again walk hand n' hand, The sky will be WAYYYYYYYYYYYY under the limit America will be OUR land Matter fact, We gon' be singing,"We got the whole wor-orld in our hands" King, Please.. Let's get it together The Revolution is ongoing, liberation is a process We must balance ourselves out After that, our union will be something NOONE can test The key is in our getting it together Realize.. Realize They might pump you up with them ill lies, But realize.. realize I need you just as much as you need me You need me just as much as I need you Trust this After that follows justice Liberation And our true freedom Our higher selves through The Ancestors will guide Let us walk side by side Never one in front of the other as if one is more or less Let's Get it together Can we get it together? Can we get together Let's get it Let's get Let us get Together... | ||
| Cynique Rating: N/A |
I see you still got it, Beautifulwaterstar. | ||
| Rondall Rating: N/A |
Suavé if I may say, and keep yo skills on!!!! We want to continue to watch your growth. Peace | ||
| Sis. Shiree Sarana Rating: N/A |
Sis. Beautifulwaterstar! I enjoyed your "free-stylin". This piece "feels" more like spoken word. There are some places in the middle of the piece that the tempo breaks a little but you be a bbbbaaaaddddd sistah! Rhyme is wonderful, just remember try not too comprise the meaning or flow of the piece for "rhyme's" sake. As always, I appreciate your words. Peace & Blessings Your Sister In The Word Sis. Shiree Sarana | ||
| Beautifulwaterstar Rating: N/A |
Why thank you, Beautiful People. (CyUnique, Ronny, Reesey. Yup, I'm black, I make everyone's name what I please.lol All in affeckshion doe. lol) :-) Shiree said: Rhyme is wonderful, just remember try not too comprise the meaning or flow of the piece for "rhyme's" sake. Cool black eye peas.. Can you point out specifically some instances and let me know what you are referencing, Sis? Though I was just "key"styling (just typing it as I went along, kind of freestyling some thoughts), I love to grow, so help me growwwwwww. :-) | ||
| Laureate, Edward Banes Rating: N/A |
Beautifulwaterstar listen clearly to that of which Sis.shiree Sarana speaks. Although your intentions were and you were, it was, listen and you will find. Have someone else read it aloud to you, fresh, for their first time and you shall hear clearly that of what she speaks. In fact, do it with one or more, preferably poets whom can handle your hook, your timing. You will listen clearly "for" what she speaks she has your ear. Excellent, just a little expecting in the middle. "Just" does not mean un-just. Just is minute. The piece is tender. It will become rare! Be sure to unwrap the revision for us please. I won a highly touted award for a poem similar to this in my mid years and you say it is free-style, great. Sincerly Edward | ||
| Sis. Shiree Sarana Rating: N/A |
Greetings Sis. Beautifulwaterstar! I've been away for a minute but here is the answer to your question. The lines, "What we have will be unbreakable... You always gonna have some that fake but yo... This is the example of compromising the meaning of your piece for the rhyme. An example of a rhythm break or change would be, "Please...let's get it together...the key is getting it together. That entire stanza had a touch of herky jerky rhythm to it. Sometimes what we hear in our head doesn't transcribe to the page. It can be as beign as missing a single word. If you decide you prefer that rhythm break then I would suggest breaking the stanza up to illustrate that change clearly on the page. This will help the reader catch their breath and "feel" the rhythm modification. Similar to hearing the "bridge" in a song. I hope this helps my sistah. As always, Peace & Blessings Your Sister In The Word Sis. Shiree Sarana | ||
| Beautifulwaterstar Rating: N/A |
Well thank you two. :-) Well Sis Shiree, I can appreciate that, but ya know what? (And maybe I should have clarified this) This was more like a lil' message, it's not even something that I went out of my way to make rhyme or even something I went out of my way to type.lol When I "keystyle", I just kinda type thoughts that come from my heart/head right on to the screen.. I generally correct nothing or put an effort into nothing typed, the only thing that reaches you (if receptive of course) is the words from flowing from my spirit.. I type kind of fast and when I am freestyling on the keyboard, it's kind of like I am running 100 miles per hour but with typed words/first hand flow. Now my "written" work? Oh I hardly ever really correct that, I love the purity so instead I just learn from the results/feedback and keep it in mind for the next piece, but my "keystyles"? lol Oh Gurl, I hardly ever think twice about doing something with them, most of the times, I just freestyle to pass a message and this message was our (black man/black woman)getting forward together.. Now that that's been said, Sis, I just GOTTA tell ya that I really had no stanzas at all.LOL I probably should have specified that as well, but the only reason they come off as stanzas is because I just separated it so it wouldn't give so many words at once. As I've said, I tend to type fast (and I tend to type ALOT) when freestyling, if I don't make myself stop, I would probably never ever stop.lol But nah, they weren't like real "stanzas", I just broke it up so it wouldn't give 971 1/2 words all at once. :-) You say: @"The lines, "What we have will be unbreakable... You always gonna have some that fake but yo... This is the example of compromising the meaning of your piece for the rhyme". By this, I meant that the universal black man/woman (through uniting) will realize their limitlessness though not what "every" black "individual" couple will be like this, the ones that actually "do" will still be a majority and noone will be able to stop that, no matter who does or does not do what.. ((Secret though. Honestly, this piece isn't anything I would really even consider deep.lol I typed it as it came and at the most, it took 3-5 minutes, if that. Feel me?)) |
