| Author |
Message |
    
Afroerotik
Newbie Poster
Username: Afroerotik
Post Number: 10
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: 
Votes: 1 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, April 18, 2006 - 01:20 pm: | 
|
There’s a man. He has a terrible secret. His shame and pain haunt him. His secret eats at his very soul; it has shaped his consciousness and the way he views life and he’s formed his identity around his unhealed wounds. When he was a young man, someone stole his innocence. He was sexually violated. He has hidden his secret and he’s denied it. He’s tried to suppress his memories and he’s even convinced himself after all these years that it didn’t happen. He says, “I should have fought harder, it couldn’t have happened. In fact, it didn’t happen at all.” However, the pain is still deep inside. The thoughts plague him and everyone one of his relationships has been affected. He lashes out, he tries to hurt people, he keeps himself closed off, he lies. He refuses to address his past and he can’t figure out why his life isn’t happy, why he can’t seem to cope like other people can.
There’s a woman. She suffered so much abuse, so much daily terror, she internalized it as natural. Her sexuality is wrapped up in feeling like an object, in feeling used and abused. She’s never known her body to be hers, since she was a toddler. She’s never experienced autonomy nor pleasure unless it was at the hands of others molesting her body and raping her of her dignity and self-respect. She is so numb inside she doesn’t even know what pain feels like. Pain and abuse have become her pleasure. She can’t even perceive of a healthy relationship and is drawn to relationships that reflect her painful life as validation that everyone is meant to hurt her. She has no reason to deny her past, however, because it’s all she knows, it’s all she can conceive of so she has no point of reference for anything else. She gets outraged and lashes out at individuals who try to suggest to her that she needs to deal with the pain and the abuse. To her, everyone else is fucked up for not seeing things through her lens of hate, pain, and abuse.
She’s different that the other woman that was sexually assaulted as a child. This young lady only had it happen once or twice. She doesn’t think about it, she only has vague memories that come once in a while. She tells herself it was no big deal because it wasn’t like it was a stranger, it was someone she knew, maybe even someone she was attracted to. Every man that she’s had to fight off, that wouldn’t take no for an answer she justified it by saying it was her fault for sending out the wrong signals. Her relationships with men have been cyclical; she tries to form healthy relationships but she ends up with men that only want her for sex or who don’t take the time to really get to know her as a person. Her identity is wrapped up in being attractive to men; she needs to feel beautiful to feel whole. Tired of having men use her for sex, she decides that she’s going to beat them at their own game. She decides that she’s going to be the sexual aggressor, that she’s going to get hers and fuck anybody else, literally and figuratively, that stands in between her and her pleasure. She tries desperately to use men, but only ends up used again because her feelings get in the way.
Is there any wonder we can’t heal our relationships? We have been violated, abused, used, raped, and we never discuss it. We don’t heal from the sexual devastation that has shaped our personalities. We can’t heal unless we talk about it, and sometimes, that’s not even enough. Our subconscious mind, the mind that exists beyond our waking thoughts, is so used to the pain, that it’s made adjustments in our personalities where the pain becomes normal. The deep, oozing, weeping, puss-filled emotional sores from our sexual past haunt us and the cycle can’t end. The violated are going on to violate, the abused are become abusers, of themselves and the people in their spheres. What, short of a miracle, will heal these haunted pasts and untreated wounds?
|
Chrishayden
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Chrishayden
Post Number: 2079
Registered: 03-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, April 18, 2006 - 01:44 pm: |
|
There are more people like this walking around than we know. I am convinced it is part of the reason there is so much unhappiness and nueroses in our society.
I get down on my knees and thank God now and then that none of my parents or relatives was a pervert and abused me in this manner.
What can you do when you are just a kid? |
Tonya
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Tonya
Post Number: 2312
Registered: 07-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, April 18, 2006 - 02:30 pm: |
|
Afroerotik,
some ppl will read this essay and won't have a clue as to what you are talking about because--you're right--it has become normal. |
Afroerotik
Newbie Poster
Username: Afroerotik
Post Number: 13
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, April 18, 2006 - 02:39 pm: |
|
What I find so disturbing is the number of men who were molested by older women when they were boys that see it as a good thing, as a right of passage, and can't make the connection that they are using women for sex as adults and why their relationships are so superficial. It's bad enough that men feel that their molestation by older men is something to be ashamed of but it's just as bad when they feel that their molestation by older women is something to be proud of. |
Brownbeauty123
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Brownbeauty123
Post Number: 114
Registered: 03-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, April 18, 2006 - 06:25 pm: |
|
Is it true that the victim sometimes 'enjoyed' the sexual absue? Oprah has mentioned this several times..
It's kinda weird enjoying sex with your father or something...
|
Kola_boof
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 1976
Registered: 02-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, April 18, 2006 - 06:37 pm: |
|
In my autobiography, Brownbeauty...I talk about how "sexually promiscous" I became after my sister and I were molested at 12.
I wanted to have more sex, while my sister went the other way and became "introverted" and kept her head down all the time.
It's not until you reach "maturity"--that you realize that you're SICK.
And that is what I was as a teenager. SICK. And I stayed that way, despite counseling, for many years...until through reading Alice Walker books, I began to believe that I was "worthy" of love and that I was not inferior to other people--and that I was VALUABLE.
As my self-esteem came along...I began to HEAL myself and I turned my "sexuality"...into a religion, patterned after the ancient goddess religions of my homeland.
|
Kola_boof
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 1977
Registered: 02-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, April 18, 2006 - 06:40 pm: |
|
I also met a wonderful Black man who gave me love, security and two wonderful sons. This man accepted me as myself and taught me HOW to accept love.
But that could not have happened if I had not found my "belief" in myself and in womanhood itself.
|
Brownbeauty123
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Brownbeauty123
Post Number: 115
Registered: 03-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, April 18, 2006 - 06:54 pm: |
|
So Kola not to get * too* personal..
who molested you, and did you enjoy it?
Ever since Oprah said that a lot of victims feel guilty for liking the sexual encounters with their abusers it just struck me as so weird.. I can't understand having pleasure if my father/uncle is touching me or doing some sexual act to me.. |
Roxie
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Roxie
Post Number: 790
Registered: 06-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, April 18, 2006 - 07:29 pm: |
|
I thnink I'll regret saying this but....
I'm not sexually active, to be honest ,I believe that I'm at the sexual maturity level of a three-year old.
When somes guys ask me out, I feel like a scared little girl, like I want to hide under my mother's skirt. So sometimes I dress down or act threateningly to repel the attraction.
I don't mind others having sex, just as long as there's a boundary seperating our respective space and I don't have to participate.
The average psychologist often associates this with a experience of childhood molestion (such as Brandon Teena), however I don't remember ever being molested. No matter how many doctors tried to convince me otherwise I never had any subconcious dreams of being molested by anyone.
So....I don't know Why I am sexually immature.  |
Tonya
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Tonya
Post Number: 2316
Registered: 07-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, April 18, 2006 - 07:36 pm: |
|
IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU, YOU'LL STAY THAT WAY UNTIL YOU'RE 49 SWEETIE. FIND YOURSELF A NICE CHURCH BOY. |
Kola_boof
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 1980
Registered: 02-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, April 18, 2006 - 07:41 pm: |
|
A family friend molested my sister and I together at the same time. He did not "penetrate" us.
NO--the actual experience with him was HORRIBLE. And my father almost went to prison for attempted murder.
But it did awaken me to intense curiosities about "sex" and the weakness that I detected in MALES with regard to sexuality. I was always interested in Power and was a very observant, intelligent child. And that was obviously a form of power...the BUTTON in men's frailty...that I wanted to master.
As for molestation victims ENJOYING the molestation:
CHILDREN...don't know that it's "sexual".
They often don't know what it is.
But if they are neglected children who never get hugs or attention, Brownbeauty....then they can easily mistake these NEW experiences as "pleasurable" and will begin looking forward to it. Molestation, for many female children who have no fathers and are raised to believe that they are ugly (as many black girls are), is the only AFFECTION they get from much older males.
Oprah initially saw it as "love and acceptance" from her cousin and uncle. For once, they desired her dark skin and nappy hair--as she said. But because she was a kid, she didn't realize what was actually happening until many years later.
If you introduce liquor to small children---some of them will like it. Others will become sick and think it tastes nasty.
Either way--CHILDREN are innocent until they're corrupted, and it doesn't have to be an Adult---it can often be another child.
|
Brownbeauty123
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Brownbeauty123
Post Number: 116
Registered: 03-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, April 18, 2006 - 08:01 pm: |
|
Roxie, how old are you ?
I'm 22 years old and only had sex about 5 or 6 times (probably a little more)..its painful at times and feels really really weird--and boring.
Now as for oral sex....I LOVE IT! It is the best fuckin feeling in this goddamn world and I defintely prefer that over penetration.
|
Roxie
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Roxie
Post Number: 791
Registered: 06-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, April 18, 2006 - 08:41 pm: |
|
Hi Brown,
I'm 23, And I'll be glad to give all those guys YOUR number. ;)
And Kola,
I agree about the liquior. I was given alcohol as a child, and to this very day I can't stand the taste, not even a girly drink.
|
Brownbeauty123
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Brownbeauty123
Post Number: 119
Registered: 03-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, April 18, 2006 - 08:44 pm: |
|
Roxie, I'm not the one GIVING it, I love to RECEIVE IT!
I hate the taste of alcohol, too. No matter how many fruity tastes they try to put in it, it still has that nasty alcoholy flavor. |
Kola_boof
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 1984
Registered: 02-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, April 18, 2006 - 08:51 pm: |
|
Brownbeauty,
Because I'm infibulated, I can't really enjoy being "eaten out" (I did before I was penetrated, but after losing my virginity and repeated fuckings--all sensation reverted deeper inside, causing a need for Penetration to make me orgasm--even though the infibulation makes penetration very painful--which is hard to explain, because you get very used to the pain).
But I love to give head to my children's father. And I always liked giving head, because of the POWER I developed over men for being good at it.
So it's not a bad thing either way. Women who do like to suck dick should never be ashamed of that.
There are men who LOVE eating pussy as well. 
|
Doberman23
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Doberman23
Post Number: 322
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, April 19, 2006 - 01:22 am: |
|
jumpin' jesus... kola u should be a preschool teacher!
i can't believe you nasty little hefers are talking so dirty! i can't believe you all are talking about cullliningings (sp?) and what not! just kidding ... it's good to hear at least some of ya'll reciprocate, i thought sisters don't like to partake of the soul sausage in an oral manner, maybe i just pick the wrong ones or somethin
oh well, i get them to do everything else, and that's alright with me ... thank god for the i ran out of gas move |
Kola_boof
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 1985
Registered: 02-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, April 19, 2006 - 06:51 am: |
|
But I'm a dicksucker, Doberman. I thought you knew.
Awwww....now you're out in the middle of the floor celebrating....
Go Dobie, Go Dobie, Go Dobie...
|
Va_sis
Newbie Poster
Username: Va_sis
Post Number: 6
Registered: 02-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, April 19, 2006 - 08:51 am: |
|
ROTFLMBAO!!!!
Kola, you are off the chain!!!
Dobe, there may be a secret society of sistahs that LOVE giving head!!! For the most part, women look at strange when we say it, and you have to be EXTRA careful when bringing it up.
I think it's a shame that women can't be more tastefully open about our sexualilty.
Kola, have you tried Pop Rocks on your man yet? What about cough drops? |
Va_sis
Newbie Poster
Username: Va_sis
Post Number: 7
Registered: 02-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, April 19, 2006 - 08:57 am: |
|
AfroE,
I know of several guys that won't equate young boy/grown woman relations to molestation. And I don't quite know why.
BrownB,
You're right. Not only is it weird to enjoy sex with your father, it's no longer molestation. It's incest. |
Afroerotik
Newbie Poster
Username: Afroerotik
Post Number: 14
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, April 19, 2006 - 01:37 pm: |
|
In the movie Antoine Fisher, they showed the older foster sister sexually molesting the young protagonist. Time and time again, I hear tales from men, both black and white, that tell me that me of their first sexual experiences with older black women. Numerous times, men recount tales of aunts, cousins, neighbors, friends of the family and baby sitters that seduce them with basic intercourse to deviant and bizarre behaviors. The men don’t see it as abuse; they are, more often than not, proud of the experience and see it as a rite of passage or something to brag about. They seem unable to find a correlation to their current preferences and the influence these women have had on their sexual identities.
The common perception of the pedophile is of a white man. There seems to be more than enough indication that the face of the child molester has a bit more melanin. Who are these women and what forces have shaped them? Why is it that they slip under the radar while white men have not? Do these black women trade kiddie porn and stalk playgrounds or do they “innocently” find themselves in situations with prepubescent boys and give in to an impetuous one time error in judgment?
|
Doberman23
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Doberman23
Post Number: 323
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, April 19, 2006 - 01:55 pm: |
|
yeah well my girlfriend needs to get admittance into that secret society ... i'm tired of doing the 68 and her saying she owes me one! |
Brownbeauty123
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Brownbeauty123
Post Number: 124
Registered: 03-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, April 19, 2006 - 01:57 pm: |
|
Kola LOL
Doberman,
I thought the whole 'black women don't give head' taboo thing was dead, and buried. I know so many black girls that suck dick, swallow, and then make bubbles out of it.
Va_sis,
Women in general have to be careful in admitting that they LOVE doing it. You'll get a free pass if you say you tried it before, but if you say you like it...then I pray for you. I told my friend I done it before, and she teased me about it. And was rather disgusted with the idea that I didn't think it was as bad as everyone made it out to be in high school.
Afroerotik,
This may be quite a unique case, but when I was around 9 or 10, I had a childhood friend (female) who would make her 2 year old nephew 'kiss her titties'. She called it a 'fish kiss'. So everytime she said, "give me a fish kiss', the little boy would kiss the both of her breast. |
Doberman23
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Doberman23
Post Number: 324
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, April 19, 2006 - 02:01 pm: |
|
brownbeauty
i bet her 2 year old nephew will remember that when he grows up and tell her thanks for the mamories! ...ok, that was pretty bad ... i'm still trying to recover from the swallow and make bubbles thing though. |
Brownbeauty123
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Brownbeauty123
Post Number: 125
Registered: 03-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, April 19, 2006 - 02:48 pm: |
|
It makes an EXCELLENT facial. My skin be glowing for DAYS! |
Va_sis
Newbie Poster
Username: Va_sis
Post Number: 11
Registered: 02-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, April 19, 2006 - 02:50 pm: |
|
"Women in general have to be careful in admitting that they LOVE doing it."
This goes back to the whole judgement issue that I'm posting about in another thread.
As a friend, if I can't share my deepest fears, passions, dreams and pleasures with you without you turning up your nose at me, I don't need ya!
I'm sooooo over the snobbery & pretentiousness of my educated, professional sisters. |
Va_sis
Newbie Poster
Username: Va_sis
Post Number: 12
Registered: 02-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, April 19, 2006 - 02:57 pm: |
|
lol
BrownB, you are a FOOL!!!!!!!!!
"Do these black women trade kiddie porn and stalk playgrounds or do they “innocently” find themselves in situations with prepubescent boys and give in to an impetuous one time error in judgment?"
AfroE,
I believe that it's the same reason why men "can't be raped". Who can imagine a woman- nurturer and caregiver- being capable of predatory behavior? THEN, for a man to say he was beat up, raped or taken advantage of by a woman, threatens his manhood.
Honestly, I have a HARD time (pun intended) understanding how a man can be raped.
'Nother story. |
Afroerotik
Newbie Poster
Username: Afroerotik
Post Number: 20
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, April 19, 2006 - 05:28 pm: |
|
Making light of little boys being molested is not cute nor is it funny. Men can be raped in a number of ways, not the least of which is being forced to perform on women substantially older than they. The molestation of young boys creates men who objectify women for sex. Making light of it does nothing to help the problem or it's ugly repercussions. |
Va_sis
Newbie Poster
Username: Va_sis
Post Number: 23
Registered: 02-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, April 19, 2006 - 07:25 pm: |
|
"Men can be raped in a number of ways"
I'm game...educate me. How? I'm geniunely trying to understand. |
Email This Page