|Posted on Friday, July 11, 2003 - 05:26 pm: |
If changes for women are to make marriage better, why are there so many couples that are floundering and bailing out? Is it because more freedom => more desires/cravings => more demands => more arguments => more dissension => more heartache => more breakups?
I don't think most professional men necessarily require that our mates be of a certain socio-economic background. What guys want most from a wife is PEACE. Most guys I know would rather marry a secretary with whom he can peacefully coexist than he would her high-earning, but shrill boss with whom he might quarrel with constantly.
And on a more personal note: When I married, my wife did not have much dough at all. She mostly managed the household and kids (To which I am eternally grateful for.) But, being the bright/energetic person that she is, she started a business at home, which has now grown into an increasingly lucrative enterprise.
To answer your question: I think women seek marriage because they want someone that they feel that they can love, rely on and build a solid home, hearth and family with. Also, being asked for your hand in marriage is direct confirmation from at least one person that you matter, that are at least to one person the most important person on earth. Men, as well as women, want to feel that.
You have some very insightful and humorous viewpoints on marriage (especially concerning kids). I find it interesting that there is so much hand wringing over how uniquely concerned women should be about being married when those are men that women are marrying. Men are just as enraptured by matrimony as women. In spite of what is routinely advertised, men deeply value being married (even if we hardly know what the heck we are doing.).
Itís also ironic that in spite all the "torture" married women allegedly endure, I read that they outlive single women and single/married men.
About kids: I don't resent childless couples. I do, however, think that having kids forces you to productively confront things about yourself that you might not have ever considered being concerned about sans kids. I also think that responsible parenthood, more than any other institution, forces people to be more considerate/protective of, concern about and invested in their others. And I can appreciate people opting to use drugs to facilitate procreation. That is for most one of lifeís most compelling desires. Although I agree that no extra consideration should be afforded the families of artificially engendered sextuplets.
It's funny that you (mistakenly) mentioned polygamy. A few months ago, my wife and I had an interesting discussion with a single female friend of hers who for the >1hr seemed to quite aggressively extol the many benefits of a "closeted" arrangement of sharing husbands (e.g., resolve man shortage, less sexual pressure on 1 woman, more kids have active fathers, fewer men sneaking around, etc.). It's funny. I viewed the talk to be simply a controversial conversation. My wife, however, viewed it to be a blatant solicitation.
I don't think that they have talked since then.
PS: Honestly, the more I think about it, the more I think that "Arranged Marriages" might not have been such a bad idea after all.