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"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Yvettep

Post Number: 959
Registered: 01-2005

Rating: N/A
Votes: 0

Posted on Monday, March 13, 2006 - 11:42 am:   

My thoughts are with you, Renata. I know this has to be difficult. I can relate 100% to what you are describing, having experienced very similar situations with 3 family members.

I am not sure of all of your family circumstances, so please forgive me if my advice below is speaking out of turn.

Is there a clergy member your grandmother respects that you could talk to, and possible have them talk to her?

Also, there might be a medical social worker who can do an evaluation (informally or formally).

At the least, I would document everything--as much as you can. If there is anything of value left in the home (even just sentimental) you might think of moving those things out of there for safe keeping.

In one case in my own family, our whole family had a meeting, with my late grandmother present. We discussed all the options, all our concerns, etc. We were especially concerned with her use of the oven/stove and her falling asleep withh lit cigarettes, feeling both might endanger both herself and others.

Ultimately we moved her to an assisted living place, with everyone chipping in so that we could afford it. She was very much against it. I think we convinced her that we would "try it" for a period of time to see if she liked it. Within a few weeks she was having a ball--Most of the other elderly residents were highly functioning (like her) and they had many activities. It was like high school all over!

Anyway, her present weight sounds like a big concern. I think we have a gut negative reaction to what you describe: "having her committed." We did too in our family. At our family meeting one of us put this question to the group:

"If we have her placed against her will and she gets angry with us, could we live with that? If we do not place her against her will, and her condition starts to diminish--or she harms someone else--could we live with that?"

I wish you well as you confront these difficult choices. Take care!

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