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Post Number: 2843
|Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 01:47 pm: |
You made my week. I love you so much.
And please, Destined...don't take that the wrong way.
I just become a little girl being hyped with "approval"--which inspires me to become better--whenever ABM , because he's a Black man and he's a rare certain type---like my dad---encourages me and dares to understand me...and MOST OF ALL....accepts me.
So please don't misunderstand.
There are TONS of men who email, talk on the phone, chat on Message board with me----I just spoke with Troy Johnson on the telephone at like 1 in the morning, and his wife picked up--I felt so bad; so much guilt....even though it's strictly business....
...it hurts so bad that women don't trust me and I try to talk a certain way---to sound less "sexy"; hell downright hoarse, because they see me a certain way.
They have not understood how much I love THEM and are most loyal to THEM---because I know EVERYTHING about our pain as women. Everything. Whatever piss was pissed on them---I was SOAKED in it. So I know not to hurt other women.
The flirting is my insecurity and my way of pleading with men to protect or help me. But I am powerful enough NOW...not to be exploited in serious ways by them.
So please don't misunderstand it when I say that I love ABM. I just really have always been crazy about him---but I have BROTHERS in my family, and they are spoiled rotten by me, and I kiss and jump all over them and ride on their backs.
It's nothing at all.
I was reading my autobiography last night...and I became very proud that I admitted in the book that I am "sick" and have mental illness from all the myriad things that happened to me.....but yet, I continue on --to be productive and do good, meaningful work that I can be proud of.
I endeavor to be ABOUT SOMETHING and to do it without fear (because that is my sickness--I am an exhibitionist who has little fear)....which also means, it is harder to keep the "child" in me under control.
Thanks and God bless to all of you.
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